LISTEN

I was going on YouTube to check out some short informative movie clips about Graphic Design History (studying for my upcoming final exam in that class). But, when I got on the website, other videos related to earlier visits, showed up…Among them, a bunch of Beyoncé clips, since I love her music and her live performances are amazing, which I clearly had looked at on YouTube before. One song that showed up was, Listen. Ok, getting really personal now, but thought I wanted to share it with you all.

I have met quite many people in my life that are intimidated by me… I don’t really know why, but perhaps they think I have my life all put together and have had it like that all along. I haven’t and I don’t. There have been many years of a lot of sickness in my life. Anorexia, which some of you already might now about. Anyway, I’ve spent months in the hospital to recover (now why this is related to today’s YouTube visit)..and the song Listen was one of the songs in my playlist, I listened to all the time while laying in bed at the hospital. In the midst of all the sickness, there was a tiny bit of hope, and I found some strength within this song.

Listen

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can’t complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It’s only beginning
To find release

Oh,
The time has come
For my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
All cause you won’t
Listen…

Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried
To say what’s on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I gotta find my own.

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago

Oh I’m screaming out, and my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worked
Into your own
All cause you won’t
Listen…

I don’t know where I belong
But I’ll be moving on
If you don’t…
If you won’t…

…listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I’ve started but I will complete
Oh,
Now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you’ve made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find my own,
My own.

After being so sick, I am still recovering as of today, because it is a long process. And while I’m not underweight anymore, I still need to deal with sick thoughts e v e r y d a y. The difference now is that I’m not letting them take over my life. But laying down at the hospital bed, trying to figure out who I was, and leave the sickness behind, was tough. Today, I’m still trying to figure out who I am, without the sickness, and to find my place in the world, and mostly important, within myself. It’s, of course, an ongoing process, not only for someone who’s been sick, but for everyone, and a continuous exploring throughout our lives. I thought I’d share this little story, this song with you, because not only do I need to probably hear these words, but perhaps you do too.

Here’s the video of Beyoncé singing the song live, and the exact video I happened to stumble  upon  on YouTube today that reminded me of my life process and progress.