It was a goodbye, for good.

There was a time when I was freezing all the time. I wore warm and big clothes in order to hide myself and to be warm…

…all I pretty much did was stay in the hospital bed, surfing on my iPad or watching short series (since I couldn’t concentrate that well)…

…or folding paper cranes. Plenty of them…

…my eyes were sad, I had no energy, but a lot of anxiety, and I was really sad…

…sometimes one nurse, who turned out to mean so much to me, braided my hair, and I loved having my hair up like that……once I was finally allowed to go outside, I liked to lay down in the grass, and look up in the sky. This was one of the views one warm summer day…the summer of 2012, though, that never felt that much like summer to me…

…and once I was finally allowed to go outside by myself, I cheated and took walks in the woods while listening to music. I pretended everything was ok and that I didn’t have to return to the hospital and my hospital bed…

One year ago today, I was signed out from the hospital the first time, after being there for almost three months. The end of July will always remind me of my past. All the sickness. All the horrible anxiety. All the bad memories.

BUT

I will also think of all I’ve done, how far I’ve gone away from all of that. Today, I’m living in the States, feeling good (still have some thoughts to fight against  – but it’s not taking over my life), and about to start college here. I can’t believe what a big change I’ve made!!!

This is my last post where I’m mentioning the sickness, the eating disorder and the past years of anorexia nervosa that I’ve been suffering from… for too many years. I left all of that in Sweden with all my therapists. They told me to leave everything with them, so I did.

Gosh, I’m getting emotional now. There are so many people that have meant everything to me the past years. J, S, S, M, Y, D and Å…and so many others – especially Liz.

I love you, and thank you for all you’ve done to me in order to help myself to recover. Without you, I wouldn’t have survived and be where I am today.

♥