sweden

Två-saker-listan

September 11, 2023

Två böcker jag vill läsa
Just Kids, Patti Smith
Testamente av Nina Wähe

Två saker jag skjuter upp
Avsluta en försäkring jag inte behöver.
Ta mig ut och provspringa igen efter att mina knän tog stryk i våras.

Två dryckesbeställningar jag gör på bar
Ljus lager
Espresso Martini

Två plagg jag vill ha
En cashmere-tröja från Samsø Samsø. Har en i svart som jag älskar och i höst blir det ytterligare en i annan färg.
En kort stickad väst i den perfekta formen – inte för stor men heller inte alltför åtsittande.

Två rädslor jag har
Höjder
Spindlar

Två saker jag drömmer om
Nästa år då både Liz och jag fyller jämt och vad vi ska hitta på för kul då.
Våra nya framtidsplaner.

Två saker jag längtar efter
Att träffa en fin vän på fredag kväll, var länge sedan nu.
Att se musikalen Änglagård.

Lista hämtad och inspirerad av från Flora

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1.5 years later

September 2, 2023

How does one pick up a blog after 1.5 years of silence? A recap? A present post what I’ve done the past week? What do I even want to share, and does anyone care? Do I need anyone to care? Can’t I just do this for myself? What language do I write in? Why do I do this – to spark a sense of creativity again in life? To share life stories, good and bad? So many questions and so few answers. I think I basically need time to explore and see how it feels. Simple as that.

I do feel some sort of a change is needed. If it is to update to header picture, font, width of the page or colors?

I think this first written comeback will just be about that I’m back in some way, and it will all be figured out as I go. Welcome back whoever you are, you’re warmly welcome, and hej bloggen – let’s do this!

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July 28th 🤍

July 28, 2021

It was your due date today, July 28th and I have had so much anxiety and grief about this day for so long. We know she could have come earlier or later, but today is the day that we were counting down to. Ever since we decided to end the pregnancy, I have pretty much been crying every day at some point since January when we find out about how things were.

Some might think, or have even mistaken, it was a miscarriage. It wasn’t. We had to make the decision on our own, based on what all the tests showed and what the doctors said. It was horrible. We were also pretty far into the pregnancy which made it even worse to end it. It was a birth at the hospital, we held our Peanut and said goodbye to her, and she’s buried in Uppsala now.

This has been and is so hard to handle. All I see is other people being pregnant and having babies. I’m happy for their sake, but it hurts at the same time that we never got to experience it all. It’s also so hard to handle, hearing people talk about their children (which I understand they are and will continue doing and I have to learn to face it and deal with it – but right now I’m super extra sensitive and it’s tough to hear). Everything wasn’t ok with you, Peanut, and I have to keep reminding myself about that and not get stuck in thinking it wasn’t.

Even though I was physically feeling really bad while being pregnant and spent pretty much all of the time in bed/sofa, I miss it terribly and would do anything to be pregnant again. To think that we were three (or four with Zola the cat), to plan what your crib was gonna look and be like, discuss culture differences/similarities, how we wanted to raise you as an American and a Swede – share it all with you. You were gonna be an American and a Swede, have both passports to open up the world to you even more, if you wanted to explore it later on. We had decided to continue to speak English at home and with each other, since society and surroundings are all speaking Swedish. We had talked so much about everything and then it all just crashed.

Your were a tiny little human being who was gonna be named Sonja Ruth Reynolds Eriksson. We love you and forever will keep you in our hearts, little Sonja. 🤍

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It’s still pretty tough – a life update.

April 10, 2021

It’s been almost two months since my last post about our little Peanut, who we sadly had to say goodbye to on February 3rd. The days are moving on with a bunch of work (I have a new job since the beginning of December 2020 since I lost my other job due to the Covid-19 situation in the world back in August the same year) and also some major preparations. Not too long after February 3rd, Liz and I decided we needed a major change in our lives, a fresh new start, and a focus/project during spring as we’re facing a spring and summer far different than we first thought by not expecting a baby anymore.

I’m still crying pretty much every day over our dream that never happened. I’m still being reminded by various milestones, such as entering half way in pregnancy, earlier scheduled times with midwife, classes we were going to participate in, stuff we were going to purchase, preparations in the home we were going to do, and so forth. Not to mention all the strollers, pregnant women, and babies that are out there to see – in real life and on social media. I’m happy for their sake, but it still hurts in my heart and soul, and it’s still pretty hard to deal with to be honest. But it hasn’t been that long since we ended the pregnancy and I can’t be too hard on myself. I’m so thankful for having Liz in my life, the counselor we’re seeing together, and my therapist I’m seeing by myself. Also my amazing parents who are supporting me and keeping up with my freak outs of grief on a regular basis as well. It is what it is. I have to accept it, and try to move on in life even though I feel I don’t have the right to do that since Peanut never got the chance to do so. We don’t regret our decision and we know it was the best for all of us…still, of course, it hurts. So much.

As I wrote earlier, we’re doing some major changes and preparations in life right now. We’re moving this summer to Norrköping. The plan is to get our apartment up for sale in the beginning of May, and it will hopefully be sold by summer (fingers crossed). We’ve been fortunate with great luck and amazing timing to get hold of our almost dream apartment in downtown Norrköping. It’s bigger than the one we own now, has a huge balcony with a great view of the whole city, right in the middle of downtown so close to everything, and there is also some other great convenient stuff we want to have. It feels so good. We need this change. If you know or remember, we actually used to live in Norrköping back from 2010 to 2013. However, it was a pretty dark period in my life where I was really sick with anorexia, so we haven’t been able to really enjoy the city for real. We’re also going to be closer to more family and friends (although it’s really sad to have to leave some other family here in Uppsala – but we’ll come back and visit, for sure). I’m gonna be able to focus and do a lot of more music in my life, which I’m really looking forward to. Singing in a choir again and to taking private singing lessons, are already on my agenda and I’ve booked a voice coach. So exciting! I’m also gonna be able to still see my therapist since she’s also offering online sessions, and has a clinic in Stockholm as well, which I might go to on a regular basis.

As I mentioned earlier I’d gotten a new job back in December, and I was feeling really bad a day back a few weeks ago when I thought I was gonna have to give my notice..but my boss totally offered me to still keep it but to work from Norrköping instead. How perfect!! I love my new job, but my newest client (I work as a UX-designer consultant), is in Stockholm – therefore, it could be some trips to the big city whenever the pandemic is letting us, which isn’t too far from Norrköping.

So all in all. Things are moving on in the midst of the grieving process.

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Peanut, you will never be forgotten 🤍

February 14, 2021

Our journey to you started about two years ago. There were many visits to the hospital, tests to take, conversations to have, and a bunch of excitement. It was hopefully going to happen now, finally!

There were several bumps and roller coaster rides along the way but, in the beginning of November of 2020, it seemed to have worked!!! November 17th. The test day was here and IT WAS POSITIVE – WE WERE PREGNANT 🤍 Our excitement was beyond words and we were flying on clouds of happiness.

Then the adventure of being pregnant started. I felt so nauseous and sick in a way that I could have never imagined. But it was all worth it, I thought. I ended up spending a little more than 3 months in bed or on the sofa (in some ways the pandemic “helped” us since I could work from home then). But, Liz had to take care of everything – from serving me the little I could eat, to cleaning the apartment, doing all the laundry, and she couldn’t even touch me because the touch/movement would make me puke. It was pretty bad, to say the least. But, the excitement kept us going. Peanut, our “working name” for the baby was worth everything 🤍

We documented every week by taking pictures and videos.

January 19th, 2021
Mid January came and we (or I, Lina, since Liz was not allowed at the hospital due to the pandemic restrictions – she was fully healthy though) were going to check on Peanut and during the ultrasound we found out everything didn’t quite look ok. We got the worst possible result on the test with a 50/50 percent chance that Peanut wasn’t going to be healthy. The stats were 1:2. One out of 2 babies would be healthy. A 50/50 chance. Not good odds. We were devastated and we started to live in this weird fog of worries. The hospital booked us to do more tests just a couple of days later, and when the day came Liz was finally allowed to be part of it and was able to see Peanut for the first time. I had already been blessed to see Peanut two times at that point (week 8 and 13). Liz cried at how amazing Peanut was. I was nervous about the tests I/we were facing. But it was all beautiful, even though the reason for the tests were all a big chunk of worries.

The test results were going to be reported to us by phone, no matter the result – positive or negative, 2-3 days later (but it was Friday so we had to wait an additional two days). Those waiting days were some of the toughest days in my life. I could not think of anything else. I did not function (even more so with the nausea).

January 26th, 2021
On Tuesday January 26th at 1:18PM the phone rang. It was bad news. Peanut had some chromosome abnormalities and with that there would most likely tag along several other complications. We were now pregnant in week 14 and had entered the second trimester. It was exactly the time (or actually a week before that) that we had planned to announce our pregnancy. It was exactly the time that we had planned to start buying a few things in order to prep for Peanut’s arrival (July 28th, 2021 🤍). But, instead of celebrating and announcing, we were now faced with the decision to end the pregnancy or to go through with it and hope that the baby would be healthy enough to live. What we did know, though, was that Peanut already had some serious health issues. We were in complete shock for days. All of it surreal and crushing. So, we sat with it and just let all of our feelings and thoughts flow for a few days.

February 1st, 2021
We scheduled another appointment with a doctor for further discussions some days later. I talked with a counselor which we are seeing from now on, and then after meeting with a specialist together, Liz and I decided for Peanut’s sake and for our own, that it was the best to end the pregnancy. It was the hardest decision we have ever made and we were devastated. This wasn’t the way we wanted this journey to end. Our dreams were crushed. We started the ending process, and while I’ve been through some tough days in my life, I can say that these days have, by far, been the worst days in our lives. When you’ve come this far in the pregnancy (about to enter week 16), it’s a birthing process at the hospital. The difference is that you don’t get to go home with your baby…

We were terrified and devastated, but, we did it all. Together. We were able to see and hold you, little Peanut, and you were so beautiful in your own little way. And then we said goodbye.

February 3rd, 2021 – the day with said goodbye to you, Peanut.

Even though just a short time has passed and we are now deep in our grief, we wanted to share this story to honor our beloved Peanut, our girl who we had several names planned for, and who we were expecting to meet in July this coming summer. Peanut, you will never be forgotten. We love you and we dug deep into our souls to do what we thought was the best for you and for us. 🤍

With great and forever love,
Mamma Lina & Mommy Liz

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My new quarantine routine

May 2, 2020

I gotta have some routines when working from home and when not really doing anything specific from day to day. This is something I’ve been working on figuring out from day 1 of quarantine.

I know that some of my readers aren’t from Sweden and I’m not going to describe exactly how the Swedish society is facing the pandemic, although plenty of you have probably heard both good and bad news about the strategy here. Shortly put: we’re not in lockdown and we don’t have strict laws forcing us to stay home. The strategy is based on strong recommendations with daily updates of information from experts. At 2PM there are different agencies/departments who provide the latest information, recommendations, etc. at a televised press conference. And the majority of the population follows these recommendations. In general, we are all listening to what is being said. There have been situations, however, where people have started to relax a tad bit too much, and then there are new rules to follow the next day due to that.

We’ve built our society on freedom with a great portion of individual responsibility. That’s always been a big part of Swedish society. And, now, Sweden has, from pretty much the beginning, been careful about shutting down the whole country since this pandemic most likely will go on for a longer period of time, and a total shutdown will not be possible to keep going month after month – due to economy and people’s mental health. I’m not saying this is the best way of facing the pandemic, nor that it is a bad way – we will all see once this is “over”, or when we have a greater distance from it all. This is just a really short description of how Sweden is doing it.

The day before yesterday was Walpurgis Eve /April 30/”Last of April”, which is a huge celebration day in Uppsala where we live. Hundreds of thousands of people are usually out and about, having picnics in parks, celebrating spring. You can read more about it here. It usually looks like this. (<– Google image search of Last of April in Uppsala). Yesterday the city looked like this (<– The article is in Swedish, but focus on the drones videos/images taken – the differences!!!). People listened to the agencies/departments who were telling us to skip the big celebrations 2020, and that makes my soul and heart warm – we can do this!

Pictures from other years during Last of April celebrations, totally “stolen” from Liz’s blog.

Ok, I wasn’t gonna write a lot about the pandemic and Sweden..hehe. Back to where I started, about my new routines. The past weeks, I do believe since Easter, I’ve lost some “discipline”. I don’t like to have rules, and will never really have any since my life existed with so many rules when I was sick with anorexia. I’m over that kind of mindset, and but I like to focus on what makes me feel good right here and now. Therefore, the routines are not based on something I’m gonna do every day, or push me towards some kind of weird spiral down to a dark place. No, this is all based on how to make me feel good inside out, in these times of pandemic.

Starting on Monday, I’ll only work 80% (and not 100%), but thanks to the government of Sweden, I’ll get paid for 96%. This means, I’ll work every day but will get off earlier which actually feels kind of nice now when spring is here and summer is upon us. The evenings are brighter and warmer.

My idea and plan
07.15 AM Wake up
08.00 AM Start to work
12.00 PM Lunch break with a walk outside
15:30 PM Get off

After work hours, I will start taking power walks for at least 45 min (could also be some easy work out at home instead or combined), come home and take a shower, and then cook dinner. After dinner, I’ll do various activities which could be to play the piano, sketch, clean/organize the storage units in the basement, watch Netflix, bake, get out in the car somewhere (out in nature), puzzle, talk with my parents on FaceTime, Zoom with the whole family (it’s hilarious), clean our home, do laundry, spend time in our backyard, and hang out with my brother and his family or two of our friends. In this way I’ll get some physical activity, fresh air, a structured work day, regular meals, and social activities as well. It’s what I need and feel good about right now.

Most important is to wake up and get a feel of what I need that exact day. Do I need to just lay down on the couch and watch Netflix, I’ll do that, and not feel bad about it. I don’t need guilty feelings hovering over me, or negative thoughts about myself right now. I wanna feel as good as I can in this time.

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En vädjan till egoisterna

March 29, 2020

Jag skulle ha varit där nu. Skulle ha haft semester i en vecka och åkt skidor i fjällen. Skulle ha tillbringat tid med min älskade familj som jag inte träffar alltför ofta. Före skidsemestern skulle jag och min fru haft besök av en nära vän från Tyskland som vi inte träffat på länge och innan det skulle vi ha beställt ett nytt kök. Före det, eller månader sedan, hade vi även börjat den största processen i mitt och min frus liv – att blir gravida! Tänka sig att jag precis nämnde det i detta sammanhang först! Nu har jag sagt det till världen, eller ja, till de som faktiskt är här inne och läser och som förstår svenska. Jag kommer skriva mer om vår process framöver för jag/vi vill gärna dela med oss av vår resa att skaffa barn som vi har börjat på och i de dryga två år som gått sedan jag sist bloggade, har jag den senaste tiden saknat en kanal i mitt liv där jag kan uttrycka mig. Jag kommer med andra ord att börja skriva mer här igen, för jag behöver det och då även berätta mer om vår process i att försöka att bli gravida. Men som sagt, det är en annan process och historia. Nu, tillbaka till det jag började skriva om…

Just nu är allt ovisst men jag vet att vi inte ska iväg på vår skidsemester med familjen med start idag. Vår vän från Tyskland kom inte hit och hälsade på oss. Vi har pausat våra köksrenoveringsplaner just nu och avvaktar läget och Reproduktionscentrum utför inga behandlingar i dagsläget och då på obestämd tid framöver. Vi kommer dessutom inte att kunna åka och hälsa på vår familj i USA till sommaren som det ser ut nu och vet inte när vi kommer kunna se dem igen. Den ovissheten är otroligt jobbig, speciellt då vi har en släkting som ligger för döden.

Det är sjukt tråkigt att allt detta sker och jag är ledsen och gråter ibland. Jag HATAR rent ut sagt Covid-19 men det handlar om hälsan nu – om liv och död.

Jag blir uppriktigt sagt otroligt arg, besviken och ledsen när andra skiter i detta och lever på som om det inte fanns någon annan än de själva här i världen, i Norden, i Sverige, i den stora staden eller det mindre samhället. DET om något har satt sina spår i mig. HUR är det ens möjligt att tänka så egoistiskt just nu?

SNÄLLA, res inte nu. Folhälsomyndighetens rekommendation är att inte resa just nu, vare sig det är till fjällen, din sommarstuga, eller andra ställen. Stanna hemma för att minska smittspridningen i landet! Hoppar vi de sociala sammankomsterna nu, kommer det förhoppningsvis gå snabbare för oss att få tillbaka den vardag vi så gärna vill ha tillbaka. Ge efter med vad ni själva vill ha eller göra nu och få det snabbare tillbaka snart. Fjällen kommer att vara kvar, nästa år. Det kanske inte din mamma eller farmor är. Det är sant. Det händer. Människor dör. Ta det inte som att det bara är en förkylning för dig och ignorera allvaret, för någon annan som tar över din eventuella “förkylning”, kan dö.

Tänk också på vad det innebär för de mindre städerna, samhällena eller byarna som inte har samma resurser som exempelvis Stockholm, Göteborg och Malmö. Trotsar många människor, eller går emot de rekommendationer som finns och som är tillsatta istället för restriktioner, kommer Sverige vara tvunget att ta till restriktioner och ändra lagar tillfälligt åt det hårdare hållet. Vill vi det? Kan vi inte försöka ta ett individansvar nu, ändra våra planer och vårt liv just nu, så att vi snart kan få tillbaka våra liv igen?

Även om ni inte känner av några symptom eller tycker ni är sjuka så KAN NI FORTFARANDE BÄRA PÅ VIRUSET OCH NI KAN BIDRA TILL ATT NÅGON ANNAN BLIR SJUK OCH KANSKE DÖR!!! Bara för att du ville åka skidor, gå på den där puben och dricka en öl, eller gå på den där tillställningen då det ändå ”bara” skulle vara du och 499 andra personer. Tack och lov att denna siffra ändras, från och med idag, till max 50 personer (även om det är lite väl löst bestämt och en kan ifrågasätta en hel del).

Hur svårt kan det vara att ta hänsyn till fler än dig själv? Snälla, detta är en vädjan till dig som kanske fokuserat lite väl mycket på jaget det senaste tiden. Suck it up och ta ett samhällsansvar nu – för allas hälsa. Det känns skönt att ha skrivit ned detta nu och jag känner att jag behöver runda av detta inlägg för att gå vidare med lite mer positivitet i kroppen. Känner ni att ni själva behöver och vill skriva av er, är kommentarsfältet öppet för tankar, känslor, reaktioner eller vad ni nu känner att ni vill skriva och dela med er utav. Ta hand om er och era medmänniskor <3 Avslutar med ett citat som jag sett cirkulera den senaste tiden;

Jag går till jobbet för din skull, stanna hemma för min skull.
Anne Rosendahl, sjuksköterska

5 Comments

Back to work!

September 5, 2016

Guys, guess what I’m doing today!!! I’m gonna start working a little bit again, after nearly a year of being on the sick list full time. I’ll take it really slowly in the beginning, and will just be at work a couple of hours every day. I’m pumped, excited, but also nervous in some way. Just like it “should” be, I guess.

At least, I’m not gonna work with stressful deadlines and have any direct contact with customers in the beginning. Instead, I am going to work within the company, such as, promoting it in on social media. Gonna be so much fun! I love social media, and to be able to work with it, is awesome. Like a dream. I feel so creative and inspired right now.

So from now on, I’ll work a tiny bit again, and I think we all (my therapist, mentor, Liz, the doctor, my job, and I) all have a great plan for me. And I’m gonna start saying that my position at work is not only as a Graphic Designer, but also as a Social Media Coordinator.

6 Comments

Back in town

July 16, 2016

I’m back in Uppsala after an amazing week in the archipelago together with family and friends. I’ve been rowing a boat, canoeing, taking a dip in the cold (at least to me) ocean, laughing like crazy… I’ve been singing, playing Hanabi (a new, again, to me, fun game), walking in the woods with my dad, staring at the endless beauty of nature, talking both about fun things and sad things, gotten sad news, and gained more confidence that I one day will be healthy and free.

This is what it looked like. It was a detox for me when it comes to Internet access. Pretty much zero reception there, so I didn’t carry my phone around and therefore, don’t have that many pics.

Skeppsgården - Me & Liz

Skeppsgården

Skeppsgården - The Road

Skeppsgården - Gula Huset

Skeppsgården - Sunset

Today, Liz and I are doing laundry, organizing, and running errands. We’re off to the US in just a few days!

Hope you’re having great summer or winter (wherever you are!) ♥

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The Archipelago

July 9, 2016

greenery

dock

It’s the time of the year when I’m gonna head out to the place that is the closest to my heart, the archipelago. A place I’ve spent a week during almost every summer, throughout my whole life. I’m gonna sit on the dock and look out at the beautiful scenery. I’m gonna have endless conversations with family, relatives, old friends, and new friends. I’m gonna row the boat out to an island and watch the sun set. I’m gonna sit up late at night, playing board games, and laughing so much stomach will hurt. I’m gonna listen to podcasts, music, and read books. I’m gonna walk in the woods and breathe in the fresh air of the Swedish nature. I cannot wait.

I’ll be back next weekend. Until then… ♥

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Håkan Hellström

June 17, 2016

Good memories that I will always keep close to my heart. Håkan Hellström at Ullevi, Gothenburg, June 5th, together with 70 143 other people. Amazing. Liz made a video, which you can find here (or further down in this post!) and she also wrote an awesome post on her blog. It’s little bit tough right now, so today, I’m gonna play his music and remember the magic that took place in Gothenburg just a few weeks ago.

Jag tror ↔ I believe
När vi går genom tiden ↔ As we go through life
Att allt det bästa ↔ That all the best
Inte hänt än ↔ Hasn’t happened yet

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Birthday Girl

May 20, 2016

Bday

This picture was taken 30 years ago! Time flies…However, I’m turning 32 today and will celebrate as much as I can by gathering friends and family together and drink lots of beer. YEAH!

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wishes

January 28, 2016

The Beach.

I would like to…

Enjoy eating and drinking without anxiety and/or negative thoughts.
Like myself – feel that I’m ok the way I am.
Work again. I love my job and my co-workers, but my life and the sickness is not stable enough to manage a job right now.
Longboard and be pretty good at it.
Decorate our (as of right now non-existing) own apartment, downtown Uppsala.
Have trips planned and bought. Ex. Paris, Dublin, Berlin, and the States.
Be healthy and free from this stupid sickness. I hate you. Yes, Anorexia is something I truly HATE.

6 Comments

Stressed out

January 10, 2016

Just have a long list of stuff I’m worried and stressed out about right now in life…I miss feeling alive, creative, happy, and just full of energy. Now, it’s everything but that.

4 Comments

Welcome 2016

January 1, 2016

January 1st

I’m ready for you, 2016. A year I hope will bring more happiness, a better health, and many amazing adventures.

2 Comments

six years and many more to come

December 26, 2015

Today, six years ago, I married the love of my life. ♥

1 Comment

Merry Christmas

December 24, 2015

Merry Christmas

Liz and I are at my parents’ place, celebrating the Swedish way on Christmas Eve and will celebrate the American way once we’re back in Uppsala. Hope you’re having a great time ♥

2 Comments

Sunday morning

October 25, 2015

Candles.

Good morning! It’s right after 8am here and Sweden has changed to winter time so the time difference between the States (East Coast) and Sweden are only 5 hours now for one week, until the States changes time. I haven’t really felt the change that much, but probably will later on today when it’ll get darker earlier.

I’m sitting here on the couch in our living room, it’s pretty gray outside so I decided to light some candles for extra coziness, while I’m sipping my cup of coffee. We spent all Saturday at home and I organized papers, rested, and we also started watching a, for us, new TV series, Homeland. I like it so far. Today’s plans were first to perhaps go and check out the dream apartment since it’s a showing today, but we really can’t buy it now, so it’ll probably just be tough to see it in real life. So we’re skipping it. But we’re heading downtown after lunch to do a few errands (I might get another reward based on my reward system!) and to also get out a little bit. Other than that, we’re just gonna be home, probably watch some more Homeland/TV, and I’m gonna mentally prepare myself as much as possible for the upcoming week.

When you’re in treatment for an eating disorder, you eat from a really specific food schedule – based on times, amounts, and it’s all planned out exactly what you’re gonna eat. It’s also pretty common to not eat 100% in the beginning. For example, when I started day treatment, I only ate half of a full portion of the lunch there. It’s because you need to mentally get used to eating again and physically, your body needs to get used to the amount of foods, so you have to take it easy. I’ve been at 100% on my food schedule at day treatment for a little while now, but not at home (as the plan has been).

But it’s time to change gears now, and I have already begun by eating a bigger snack in the evening. However, starting Monday, I’m gonna eat cooked food for dinner (have had yogurt and müsli before)…so it’s a pretty big change which is really hard for me..or the eating disorder. Mind and body are not connected, and the eating disorder is screaming not to eat, while Lina knows that this is the healthy way to go, so every single meal is a huge battle that no one else, who hasn’t had an eating disorder, can really understand. But I’m trying to share a few things here, so hopefully you readers, will get an insight as to what it is like.

Speaking of food, I believe it’s time to prepare breakfast now…

6 Comments

Blogs I read

September 28, 2015

I read blogs everyday, and mainly blogs about everyday life, pretty things, and blogs with good photos and posts where you can tell there’s work behind it. I thought of sharing a few of them here so lets check them out!

Liz → belovelive.com

Liz is my wife and she blogs about life – spirituality, her own everyday life, meditation, work, holidays, her life as an expat (she’s an American living in Sweden), and she takes amazing pictures. I like her blog for the good quality of pictures and that, since we’re living our lives together, my life is also partly documented through beautiful texts and photos. I’m really thankful for that.

Liz

Julia → prick.blogg.se

Julia is my cousin and has been blogging for many years now. I like the variety of subjects of her posts, but they’re mainly a document of her life – what she’s eating, what she’s doing, fashion, photography, concerts/music, and her creative side – making so many diy-projects which is so inspiring. Her pictures are always beautifully taken.

Julia

Sandra → sandrabeijer.se

Sandra, I don’t know personally, but what I like with her blog is that she was born the same year I was, 1984, and therefore, I can relate so good to some of her texts and photos back in the days. I like to read about her interior projects in her apartment in Stockholm, her visits abroad (LOVE reading about her New York City visits – she used to live there). She’s also an author and writes beautifully about pretty much everything. Good and inspiring food tips as well.

Sandra

Flora → flora.metromode.se

Flora is in her early twenties and is a really creative girl – she takes pictures, illustrates, and always has some projects going on. She also creates tutorials and takes beautiful pictures. Flora is also going to San Fransisco soon, and will stay there for three months. Since it’s a dream of mine to go there, I can’t wait to see it through her lens and texts.

Flora

Kat → patriotinparis.com

Kat is my American cousin (she’s Liz’s cousin from the beginning), and she has just started her blog since her move to Paris! We can’t wait to visit her there, but also show her where we live, and the surrounding areas, such as Stockholm. She writes really good, I think, and I can’t wait to follow her everyday life in Paris. If you would like to read an American’s view and experiences in Paris, here it is.

Kat

Nicole → nicibici.wordpress.com

Nicole is Swiss, but married an Irish guy and they now live in Ireland. They just moved out from their downtown apartment in Dublin, to a house in the country, where they also can have their horses. They have also just given birth to a son, and we’re dying to meet him, see their new place, and just hang out all together again. Glad she has started blogging again after a break for some months!

Nicole

Paige → fortheloveofwanderlust.com

Paige is a friend of mine in the States and her passion for traveling is just making my travel nerve itch even more. Even though this isn’t really a regular day to day blog where she blogs about her life, I enjoy checking in here to see what her latest trip was like. This is a travel focused-blog and as of right now, she writes about her trip to Southeast Asia that she took in March-June this year.

Paige

Beata → radarmagazine.se/beata/

Beata is a really creative girl (seeing a pattern here about the blogs I enjoy reading – the creative ones! Hehe). But she truly creates so much from anything! She also writes about her everyday life, field trips, family with all her siblings, cooks interesting Asian food, takes good pictures, and writes openly about her anxiety, to just mention a few things.

Beata

Sophie → theprivatelifeofagirl.com

As Sophie says herself on her blog, it’s a creative lifestyle blog, where she also takes amazing pictures, display stuff cool, writes about having your own business, and is basically inspiring in all kind of ways.

Sophie

Beata → beatas.se

Beata lives in my hometown, is my age, and has just moved to a big house out in the country. She takes pictures of, what I think, the beautiful house, and all decoration/interior that comes with that.

Beata

7 Comments

Happy Birthday, Liz!

September 24, 2015

Liz

Today, my friends, is not just a regular Thursday in September! It’s, according to me, the best person in the world’s, birthday! I thought, in the honor of her, to share some photos of her, us, and things that means a lot to her. Because, she’s my everything, today, and forever.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
LIZ
♥

Collage Liz 1

She’s a girl who truly has a huge love for coffee, so she’s done a blog project, called “Forty Days of Fika” where she visited 40 different cafes in Asheville, NC and blogged about it, started her own fika group in the States, wrote about fika in a local paper, and just loves hanging out at various cafes, together with friends – new and old, family, and/or me. She also has a passion for meditation, yoga, spiritual guidance, etc. Something I admire her for, and something that’s so far from what I do. But that’s also why I love her so much. She does things that’s making her grow as a person, feel good about herself, and is such an inspiring, and interesting person, I think.

Sunset by Liz

Summer

Liz also takes amazing pictures, and creates her own little projects, such taking pictures of skies/sunsets Another project of hers, is the music project, where she created monthly playlists started when she turned 40 last year. I wrote some about it here.
liz collage

Even though we’re pretty different, there are so many things we enjoy doing together – traveling, brewing beer, exploring Stockholm together, walking in the Pride Parade together, meeting new people, watching TV-series/movies together, and the list can continue for an endless infinity.

I love you so much and I hope you enjoy your birthday to the fullest ♥

2 Comments

Summer Days

August 30, 2015

Liz and I have stayed in Sweden during the summer, which has been really good for us, I think. I/we needed to just be. Here. Try to land a bit after some hectic months in our lives. We love to travel, explore new places and cultures, but this time, it was good to stay home (we also didn’t have a choice since Liz’s passport was at the Immigration Office due to her application to become a Swedish citizen + we have a cat to take care of).

We took a few shorter trips to surrounding areas though. The archipelago and Stockholm a few times. Norrköping a few times, Sigtuna – the oldest city of Sweden which is about an hour from Uppsala, and then stayed in Uppsala some as well. It is amazing nature here in Sweden and there is a great law that gives everyone the right to go wherever. Love it. We also have had a few visitors who have sparkled our lives with their presence. ♥

Let’s check it out – pictures taken with my phone and mostly posted (if not all..hehe), on Instagram. I’m liersees there by the way.
THE ARCHIPELAGO

water

greenary

dock
STOCKHOLM

Summer Days

Summer Days
SIGTUNA

Summer Days

Summer Days
NORRKÖPING

Summer Days

Summer Days
UPPSALA

Summer Days

My new bike

Summer Days

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a little list

July 17, 2015

What are you wearing today?
↓

outfit
Jeans from Gap, a striped tank from Monki, a long cardigan (bought in the States somewhere), and shoes from Vagabond.

What movie did you watch last?
Hmm. I believe it was Monster with Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci, from 2007. It´s based on the life of Aileen Wuornos – a prostitute from Florida who become a serial killer. Love movies based on true stories, even though the majority of them are sad and horrible.

What does your wallet look like?
Like this ↓

When did you wake up today?
6.30 am. My goal is to get off at 3 pm every day now when I am working from home and it’s summer time…just to get as much out of the late afternoon/evening, as possible. I usually work between 8.30 am and 4.30 pm.

Describe the place you are at now.
I’m sitting by my desk at home. ↓

What five things can’t I be without in the pentry?
Salt, olive oil, various beans, pasta, and bread.

What have you done today?
I’ve worked between 7 am and 3 pm. Then met up with a friend who came to visit my wife and I, from Stockholm. We studied social work together in Östersund. Drank beer together at home, chatted about life, then headed out for dinner downtown and another friend joined us as well <3

A list totally taken from: spaceherosuits

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Me myself, and I

July 15, 2015

What I look like on warm summer days in Sweden.

tank

headphones

legs

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Körbärsträden i Kungsträdgården

May 4, 2015

(Short summary in English, below)

För några veckor sedan var Liz och jag i Stockholm (eller ja, det har vi varit varje lördag de senaste veckorna), men vårt mål denna gången var att titta på de underbara körsbärsträden i Kungsträdgården som hade börjat slå. Jag tror inte att jag har timat det en enda gång tidigare i mitt liv, så det var första gången för både mig och Liz. Tycker vi tittar på en gång.

English Summary

CHERRY BLOSSOM TREES IN KUNGSTRÄDGÅRDEN
A few weeks ago, Liz and I spent our Saturday in Stockholm and checked out the beautiful cherry blossom trees.

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PÅSKHELGEN

April 6, 2015

(Short summary in English, below)

Hoppas att påsken har varit fin och att ni har firat eller bara varit, precis så som ni har önskat eller velat ha det. Jag och Liz tog tåget till Norrköping och mina föräldrar i fredags eftermiddag och tog det mest lugnt på fredagskvällen. På lördagen åt vi frukost länge och förberedde sedan påsklunch till släktingar som skulle komma lite senare. Tyvärr var min systerson sjuk och vi skulle egentligen åkt ut till min honom och reste av min systers familj på påskaftonseftermiddagen och kvällen för att fira hans 13-årsdag…men det blev tråkigt nog inställt så påskaftonskvällen bjöd på pizza med min moster och tre av mina kusiner, tillsammans med Liz och mina föräldrar. Mysigt och gott det med. På söndagen begav vi oss iväg till kyrkan och sedan åkte vi hem till min faster och farbror för att fira min kusin som fyller 25 år nästa helg. Så himla kul och mysigt att spendera massor med tid med släkten. En del av de vi umgicks med i helgen har jag och Liz inte sett sedan förra sommaren vilket är på tok för länge sedan. Liz och jag tog bussen tillbaka till Uppsala igår kväll och mötte direkt upp min bror (som hade firat påsk med hans fästmös familj) för snack och en drink på Radisson vid stationen.

Idag har vi bara varit hemma..eller vi försökte oss på att gå en promenad tidigare men det slutade med att vi gick till mataffären och köpte lite nödvändigheter och gick hem igen. Hehe. Ska jag vara riktigt ärlig känner jag mig en aning seg och otroligt emotionell just nu så allt jag vill göra är att bara vara hemma. Vet att jag borde komma igång med lite fysisk aktivitet för att bryta av i vardagen lite (har ju ett väldigt stillasittande jobb också), få bättre kondition och att ta hand om min kropp bättre, men på ett sunt sätt! Men det är svårt att ta det steget till att börja träna igen då man inte gjort det på länge pga. sjukdom. Är det någon av er som har en liknande erfarenhet? Hur har ni burit er åt? Dela gärna med er om ni vill…Har dividerat kring det hela väldigt mycket inom mig den senaste tiden..och ska nog försöka mig på att att komma igång med träning ändå. Ja, så får det bli. Någon gång under veckan ska jag köpa träningskort! Ok, det var ett litet sidospår…

Tog inte så mycket kort under själva påskhelgen..och utav dessa tre härunder, så får Liz photo credit för de båda med oss på!

Short Summary

EASTER WEEKEND

Hope your Easter has been fab. in the way you wanted it to be! Liz and I spent a couple of days at my parents’ in Norrköping with plenty of precious time with family. We hadn’t seen some of them since last summer…We came back to Uppsala late last night and met up with my brother (who had spent Easter with his finance’s family) for some drinks -cozy! Today, we’ve just been at home, tried to take a walk earlier, but ended up at the grocery store and then went back home..I have no energy, but I’m gonna try to change that very soon. Didn’t take that many pictures during Easter, and Liz gets credit for the two with us. :) Please try the more or less good Google translate, if you want to translate the whole text.

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SPRING LOVE

March 21, 2015

(Short summary in English, below).

Liz och jag har nu flyttat in i den nya lägenheten här i Uppsala och hunnit bo här i nästan prick två veckor och trivs ypperligt! Jag får kanske skriva mer om den en annan dag för idag tänkte jag dela med mig av några senaste favoriter! Som till exempel frukostbordet på bilden här ovanför. Att sitta och äta frukost en solig söndagsmorgon, tillsammans med min fru och en god vän. Mys. <3

Att ha håret uppsatt i en bun. Har haft utsläppt en hel del den senaste tiden, men bestämde mig i torsdags för att ha det uppsatt. Annorlunda och bra. <3

Tulpaner. Tulpaner. Och tulpaner. Älskar dem och de ger en sådan otrolig vårkänsla. Älskart. <3

Min nya vårkappa. Inköpt på Weekday för några veckor sedan. Har bara hunnit använda den en gång, men more to come. <3

Min fjädertatuering som påminner mig varje dag om att försöka leva livet till fullo. Låter kanske väldans klyschigt. Men det har varit och är lite tufft den senaste tiden (inget allvarligt!) och då är det bra att titta extra mycket på min älskade fjäder som påminner mig om hur livet en gång var och hur jag vill leva mitt liv idag. Tror detta får bli ett eget inlägg så småningom.

Short Summary

Some spring love. Breakfast table a Sunday in the sun, together with my wife, and a good friend. To have my hair up in a bun. Tulips. Tulips. Tulips. My spring coat, and my feather tattoo as a reminder where I’ve been and where I’m going in life. Please try the more or less good Google translate, if you want to translate the whole text.

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HEJ KÄRA LÄSARE

February 22, 2015

(Short summary in English, below).

Hej, ni som är kvar och läser här, ni som kanske hittat hit för första gången, nära och kära, okända och/eller nyfikna! Jag har inte skrivit på ett bra tag här och anledningarna är många och inget jag kommer be om ursäkt över, skylla på eller gå in närmare på direkt. Jag skriver på svenska vilket är lite ovanligt men också ganska skönt. Jag gillar eller rent ut sagt älskar engelska men tror jag har haft någon slags inre kris när det kommer till min identitet och min plats här i världen och då kan en sådan sak som att skriva på svenska, på min blogg, vara en omställning som kan vara nödvändigt. Kanske förlorar jag en del läsare, kanske hittar nya personer hit? Vi får helt enkelt se. Å andra sidan ska jag försöka att inte fokusera alltför mycket på hur många det är som egentligen läser mina sporadiska inlägg.

Så det här med en inre kris. Det låter kanske ganska allvarligt vilket det egentligen inte är. Men det är stort. För mig i alla fall. Att försöka hitta sig själv, vem man är och hur man identifierar sig själv är något som jag kämpat med i många år och under majoriteten av dem åren var jag dessutom sjuk i anorexia (vilket inte medförde till någon förbättring på identitetsfronten). Jag flyttade sedan till USA med min fru, studerade på universitet och försökte hitta min plats där. Efter att nu flyttat tillbaka till Sverige och bott här i ganska precis en månad varav tre veckor i Uppsala där jag har börjat ett nytt jobb, försöker jag att komma in i den svenska kulturen, ett nytt jobb samt inte bli alltför tokig på hur vi bor. Det är absolut inget fel på där vi bor just nu men det är otroligt begränsat men knappt något Internet (det är off och on och ja, jag är beroende av att ha Internet), ingen TV och vi lever utifrån de kläder och ytterst få saker som vi flög över med från USA (vårt flyttlass kom till mina föräldrar i Norrköping efter att vi åkt upp till Uppsala) och flyttlasset blev packat och började processen med att flyttas över till Sverige, cirka en och en halv vecka innan vi flyttade från USA..vilket betyder att de kläder och saker vi hade i våra två resväskor vardera, är det vi har levt utifrån i snart en och en halv månad. Ja, jag är lite utav en materialist..men jag har kommit fram till att jag behöver en trygg bas (ett hem där jag trivs och saker som jag trivs med omkring mig) och speciellt då det är saker från vårt hem i USA. Att få ha dem omkring sig i Sverige blir som en kombination, en härlig blandning, av våra två kulturer. Om tre veckor får vi äntligen flytta in i en mysig lägenhet med härlig karaktär – högt i tak, vitmålade trägolv, stort kök med plats för att ha vänner över på middagar och en positiv energi i hela lägenheten. Om två veckor ska vi åka till mina föräldrar, gå igenom vårt flyttlass från USA som tar upp i stort sett ett helt rum, och flytta upp majoriteten av allt. Därför sitter jag här idag, då jag känner mig lite trött och nere, vid vårt köksbord i vår temporära lägenhet och planerar vår nya lägenhet inredningsmässigt – totalt levande i framtiden och inte alls i nuet..fast å andra sidan blir nuet mer behagligt om jag får fokusera på något positivt som kommer framöver. Lite knixigt det där.

Hoppas att några av er läsare är kvar här och att inte alltför många blir besvikna över min språkändring här inne. Vi får se om jag återgår till engelska, eller om jag stannar kvar i svenskan. Men just nu känns det väldigt bra att skriva på svenska.

Short Summary
Trying to write in Swedish on my blog since it’s my mother tongue and I feel like a change here on my blog, and in my life somehow as well. I might loose readers, but might also gain some? And perhaps, I shouldn’t even care about either? Talking about some inner crises about finding myself and my longing for the move to our new apartment we’re moving to in three weeks. We’ve lived out of our suitcases for about 1.5 month now. Please try the more or less good Google translate, if you want to translate the whole text.

3 Comments

January 26, 2015

Last time I wrote here was on January 14 and we had gone to the movies in Asheville to see Selma. Well… our lives are a bit different now. We spent a few more days in Asheville, before we moved out, drove up to NJ, and flew to Sweden. Yep. That’s where we are now and have been for just about a week now. It’s been a true emotional roller coaster for many weeks now, and I feel like I’m still in this weird bubble of, in someway, just existing without breathing. Don’t take me wrong, I’ve really enjoyed being here, seeing friends and family, but we’ve also been working hard on figuring out our lives in a practical way. Like where to live in Uppsala. I haven’t functioned lately since I’m the kind of girl who needs control or to know what’s about to happen, etc. I haven’t had a clue. But as of about a few hours ago, we finally, thanks to a friend, found a place to live in Uppsala. It’s just for some weeks, but it will at least give us some more time in order to find another apartment where we can live a bit longer, before we buy our own place. Phu. I’ve also talked with my brother, who I’m gonna work for, and it all feels so good! I’m so excited to start working again, and to do what I’ve been dreaming of doing!

So the past week of being here in Sweden has been great and stressful all at the same time, but I feel I can breathe some now, and hopefully enjoy the last week before I start working, even more now, since I can relax a bit more!

Sweden has been, and is, beautiful with its magical winter look. It’s all white and bright. I had somehow almost forgotten what it is like having snow on the ground for a longer period of time. Love it.

0 Comments

EMOTIONAL

December 18, 2014

Having a pretty tough day today…I’m so emotional. Today is December 18th which means it’s only one month until we leave Asheville, going by car to Newark, NJ, and then to the airport to fly out on the 19th. It’s only one month! I’m freaking out because there’s so much I wanna do here, so many people to hang out with, and so much more beer to drink – all in so little time. But lets focus on the positive things, because we have great and fun plans ahead of us.

♥ My parents are coming here and we’re going to pick them up at the airport on Saturday!

♥ We have a really cozy apartment.

♥ Christmas shopping.

♥ Christmas baking and cooking.

♥ Spend time with both our parents/families, together.

♥ All the secrets with Christmas gifts and the excitement around that – to give and to get.

♥ Move out of the apartment, stay downtown for a week, eat really good food, spend time with friends, and drink yummy local craft beer. Everything. All the time. Every day.

I am truly a kid when it comes to Christmas. I love it. And as someone said to Liz at the Christmas parade the other week, “Christmas is not only for the kids” – and gave her a bunch of candy. True that.

Ok, I believe it’s time to set some plans with close ones in Sweden as well, because we need to be reminded of all the positive things there, and to look forward to that, when we’re being sad for having to leave Asheville and the States (it’s sooo bittersweet this whole move). I love the States. I love Sweden.

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THE HOLIDAY SEASON CAN BE TOUGH

December 15, 2014

The picture above, totally borrowed from Frisk&Fri’s website, and says; “We work for a society without eating disorders where everybody is free to be themselves.”

It’s the holiday season, and I love every bit of it. Decorating at home, lighting a bunch of candles, planning, buying, and wrapping gifts, cooking and baking, and so on. But it has not always been like that. There was a time where I faked my happiness in front of everybody, a time where I had to fight my thoughts and fear of eating, and I was completely stressed out about it all. I was sick.

I know I could focus on the poor, the homeless, and so many other life situations that are going on in the world today, but there’s one thing really close to my heart and something I have first hand experience from- those who suffer from an eating disorder and literally fight for their lives. Imagine your biggest fear (could be heights, spiders/snakes, being in big crowds…), and then have to face it about six times per day. That’s what it is like suffering from an eating disorder.

There’s an organization in Sweden, called Frisk&Fri (Healthy & Free) that works on spreading information about eating disorders, supporting people who are sick and their close ones, working on preventing the sickness, and influencing better professional care. They have mentors spread out around Sweden, chat and phone supports, support groups. It’s pretty much an amazing organization. Check out their website!

This it the first page you come to when you get to their website (which you can find here), and where you navigate around to find what you need. Read about what Frisk&Fri does, support for people who are close to the sick one, how to get help for the one who are sick, how to support the organization, and facts about eating disorders.

You can also check out what kind of support there is, based on where you live. This is an organization where the volunteers have been sick themselves, but have recovered, and therefore have first hand experience of eating disorders. You find this page, here.

The organization’s support is really important, but it’s also significant to get professional help, which list you can find here.

So why do I write about this now? Of course, this is really important year around, but during this holiday season, it’s extra tough for someone with an eating disorder since there is so much is focus on the food. Frisk&Fri needs extra economic support so they can offer extra time to be there for people who contact them. You can easy donate money by texting:

FRISK50 or FRISK100 to 729 80 and you donate 50 or 100 kr (Sweden only!)

Lastly I want to share this text I found on Facebook

Don´t talk to your kids about their bodies, except when trying to explain how the body works. Don´t talk to your kids about their weight, even when they have gained or lost weight. If you think your child will have an amazing body when he or she is grown, don´t say it. Here are tips on what you can say instead: “You look healthy” is a really good alternative. Or what do you think about “You look strong!” or “I can tell that you´re happy, you are glowing!”. Even better is talking about things that don´t have to do with their bodies, at all.

Do not comment on other peoples bodies. Not even once, even if it´s a positive comment. Teach your children to be nice to others, but also to themselves . Don´t you dare, even for a second, talk about how you hate your body, in front of your children, or talk about your new diet. Don´t do diets in front of your children. Buy and cook wholesome food, but don´t say “Oh I´m not eating carbs right now!”. Your kids aren´t supposed to be thinking about if carbs are good or bad, or feel shame about eating things you are not. Shame only leads to more shame. Encourage your kids to run, since running reduces stress. Tell your kids to dare to climb mountains, ’cause there are few places that are so perfect for finding inner peace. Teach your kids to surf, climb or bike far or high (or both) so they know it can be good to challenge themselves.

Teach your kids to love sports. Sport makes you a better leader and increases your self confidence. Tell your kids that age doesn´t matter, you will have to cooperate in groups all of your life. Don´t ever force your kids to participate in sports they don´t like. Maybe you have a daughter who isn´t as tiny or thin as other girls? It is very easy for her to start hating her body. Tell her that she, if she wants, can run a maraton with her strong legs and that her broad frame lets her scream high or sing or lift the world.

Maybe you have a son, who is smaller than other boys. Tell him his worth doesn´t lie in his muscles, but in his thoughtful being. Tell you children that they with their strong, healthy bodies, can move their beautiful souls wherever they want.

Freely translated from Spanish by Erika Geraci Ulvstranden

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