We were gonna have my uncle and his girlfriend here tonight, but due to sickness (they are sick, not us), they won’t come. I appreciate that thought since I’m finally over my cold I had for almost 3 weeks. Phu.
I’ve been pretty productive this morning. Cleaned the apartment and baked bread!! Liz is working until after 1pm and we will meet up downtown and go to my grandmother then to keep her company while my aunt (who’s there all the time) is doing some errands. My poor grandma doesn’t wanna be by herself nowadays, which I truly understand. (My granddad passed away this past Tuesday)…
Yep, that’s our Saturday plans! What about yours?
It is beautiful outside today, pretty cold though, but the sky is clear blue and the sun is shining. Love it! I slept better than I have the past nights, so I’m pretty satisfied! I’m sitting on the floor in the living room now, drinking my morning cup of coffee while watching the news on TV. Plans for today are to go to treatment for some hours and then go through more stuff here in the apartment – probably jackets and bags this time. We need to start promoting the weekend when we’re gonna sell almost everything we own. Yep. But to be honest, it feels so good to get rid of a lot. It’s such a clean feeling inside of me. We don’t need everything. You also begin to realize what’s the most important to you. For example, not to keep the new pillow you bought; but to keep the painting a close relative did, or some coasters we bought on our trip to Greece some years ago which bring good memories! As a future design student, I might play around and create a poster for our event too. Fun! Yes, I’m feeling a bit creative today, and I LOVE feeling that inside of me!
Love to you all ♥
I write here, erase it, write and erase. It feels like everything I’m writing is just crap. I don’t know what to say. My day has been hard, but ok. Been to some treatment appointments where all I did was cry, talk about the past days, and drink a nutrition drink so I will get some nutrition (it’s really really hard to eat right now so the nutritionist “forced” me to drink one while I was with her so they know I’ve had something to “eat” today)…
It’s been some tough and really crappy days. I also feel so weak but it’s probably because I’m not sleeping good at all and haven’t sleep good for several weeks. I’m not eating like all the professionals think I should, and I’m really sad. It feels like all I do is cry, which is ok I guess since I’m facing what I really feel inside of me, but it’s making me even more tired and weak. I don’t really know what to write here right now, I’m so sad…I guess I just have to let my emotions come and be as they are, face them, and take care of them.
But, as my main care person in the hospital said when I was being signed out and about to leave;
There’s only one way to go and that is forward!
I have a new project with my guitar! A new song with plenty of lyrics and some “specific” strumming, which I’m not really good at. I play more piano than guitar, but have a vision of getting better on guitar. If it goes my way, and I’m motivated enough to really learn it good, I might record it and post it here for you one day. Not promising though, and it might take forever. I have an idea to record more of the music I’m singing and/or playing perhaps, and publish them somewhere on the Internet and of course post them here. Might be a plan. We need to get some good microphones though, that we also can use for our podcast production (which I realize it’s about time to do a second one!).
Pic from here.
I don’t want you to be in pain. I don’t want you to get frustrated because you can’t see or you can’t communicate clearly what you want or need. It makes me sad seeing you laying down there in bed, so tiny, since you’re not really eating anymore. You have given up on life because, to be honest, you’re not in a situation where you can really call it life anymore. This Sunday evening, I’m making sure to be close to my cell, in case I get the phone call, telling me you’re not longer with us…we don’t know how long it will take and you might think this is weird of me writing this now. But I have so many feelings and emotions inside of me that I need to get out somehow…
I remember all the good times we have had in life. All the stories you’ve told me, all the knowledge, in whatever subject, you’ve shared. You have always inspired me to learn more about everything, because you know so much, and remember pretty much everything you read. I will always remember you as sitting with a book reading and learning, or typing on your typewriter in your office in your downtown apartment. Or during the summers, being out in your country house, where you always rested on the bed in the kitchen with the window open.
You’re still with us, but we know it won’t be long until you are free…Last Monday I held your hand, after you’d asked for it. When it was time for me to go, I whispered; I love you. And I do, so so deeply.
I love you so much, granddad ♥