Monthly Archives:

October 2012

stay on the positive side

October 18, 2012

I know, I keep writing about it over and over again. But I believe that’s the way to do it – repeat something for yourself (and on the blog), and it will become real or true. Yesterday was a pretty crappy day, and I just wanted to stay in bed the whole day. Of course, I didn’t since I had to do some things and face some hard stuff. Anyway, Liz, a friend of ours, and I had planned on going to a cafe and listen to some live music in the evening. I was telling Liz in the afternoon that I would not tag along since I was feeling crappy and she told me to just go, and it might help me feel better. I did. And you know what, it did make me feel better. I gotta listen to my wife some more, I believe. I know it’s hard to focus on other things that are positive in the middle of all the crappy-ness, but if you sometimes force yourself to face another situation or another thought, it might turn out better than you would never have imagined. Try to flip over to the positive side, and stay there. It’s way more fun!

good morning folks

October 17, 2012

My love and I watched the debate last night or actually 3 am in the morning here in Sweden. Feeling a bit tired today, but Obama won this round, and it felt way better than the first debate between him and Romney. Gonna be crazy on November 6th. We are for sure gonna stay up the whole night then. Anyway, we are enjoying our morning coffee right now, and I thought about sharing some photos of our fall decorations here at home. Hope you will have a great Wednesday! I’m sick so I will probably just stay home the whole day, and recover.

oroshjärta

October 14, 2012

 A beautiful day several years ago, and me walking around in the peaceful woods of North Carolina.

Jag kan dina trappor
alla dörrar alla lås
Dina lådor utan handtag
varje språng
Och när du vaknar om en stund
ska du höra lövsångaren sjunga
I stora trädet utanför
kom ut hit och lev innan du dör
oroshjärta

Du har vädjat du har mörkat
du har tuktat din rabatt
Du har tömt dina fickor
för att slippa spö
Du har växlat ner dig själv i rubel
för att få sitta med vid bordet
Men inte fan hjälpte det
du trampa bara ännu djupare
oroshjärta

Du har vaknat upp vid stup 
och du har klängt längst ut på kammen
Alltid nånting du gjort fel 
och nåt hemskt du sagt
Men ingen bryr sig som du gör
ingen människa väger alla orden
Och om nån ändå skulle göra det
låt då den stackaren göra det
oroshjärta

Det du räds drar du till dig
och det du jagar glider undan
Det du vill äga 
kommer en dag att äga dig
Och du kan kämpa ett helt liv
utan att vinna en enda seger
Du vet de blodigaste krigen
är alltid inbördeskrigen

Jag har hört dina rop
och lagt svaren i ditt hjärta
Sluta sök mig bortom molnen
när jag är här
Jag hör kranen inom dig
droppa oro och förtvivlan
Men också sången utanför
kom ut hit och lev innan du dör
kom ut hit och lev innan du dör 
kom ut hit och lev 
oroshjärta

I love this song, “Oroshjärta”, written by the Swedish singer Tomas Andersson Wij. If you would like to listen to it on Spotify, check out this link. “Live life before you die” – my goal right now. I don’t wanna deal with all the thoughts and habits I’ve been dealing with for a long time. Too long of a time. I just wanna be free, and enjoy life. I’ve realized I’m more stuck than I first thought, and that this journey will take a longer time than I ever could have imagined. But I’m gonna let this process take its time, and work hard toward life – give everything that’s hard a turn. Luckily, I have my amazing wife who supports me to the fullest, and is always there for me. I’m also surrounded by great professionals. What would I have done without them? I believe I’m gonna listen to the song now, try to refocus, and think of my goal in life. I’ve already been to the bottom, where I almost died. Now it’s time to live life before I die. Oroshjärta.

update on the fun-to-do-goals fall 2012

October 13, 2012

I wrote a “bucket list” for fall 2012 back in August, and will now give you an update on how’s going. I have to remind myself, it’s only in the middle of October, so I have plenty of time to finish the list before the year is up. The list looks like this:

Write
I still need to work on this part since I haven’t really been writing that much at all.

Learn more about photography and take more pics
This is something I’m working on. The first step is to not be lazy and leave the camera at home, and then rely on my love taking pictures (which she is great at). I’ve started to bring the camera (but still forgetting I have it with me). The next step is to remember it in my bag, take it out, and start taking pics. I’m getting there.

Sing and perform on a regular basis
Oh, yes. I’ve started singing in a choir once a week, and have planned gigs with the choir. I also have two gigs planned where I’m performing by myself or with another person/band. First is on “Local Heroes”, November 10th at 6 pm at the cafe Vetekornet in Norrköping. I will sing with a band, sing the solo when my aunt is playing the piano, and then play the guitar and sing with a friend. So much fun! The second performance is on December 9th during a church service at 11 am at Centrumkyrkan, Norrköping. Yeah. I can pretty much check this point.

Play the guitar more
I got a new awesome guitar (read about that here) from my parents, and have of course started playing more guitar after that. Check.

Read books
I can’t really find the right concentration for this point yet. So I gotta work on this.

Spend more time/be in more contact with friends
I’m trying and working hard on this. A lot of my friends in town have newborns or infants right now, which is not making it easier though. But I went to Nyköping last weekend, and the reunion with my former college friends. 

Watch musicals
Check. Well I haven’t watch any, yet. But tickets are bought for the The Addams Family Musical here in town. We are also hopefully gonna see Dirty Dancing in Stockholm in the middle of November. So pretty much check.

Go to the movies
Gonna work on this some more, but I have seen the Palme movie. So I’ve been to the movies once. Far away from the numbers of movies we usually see in the movies..so I need to work on this some more.

SUMMARY
Out of eight different goals, I can check half of them. I’m working on two of the rest four, and need to focus on the last two – write and read. But as I said, it’s only October so I have plenty of time fulfilling the whole list.

chillin’

October 13, 2012

I’m hanging out at my love’s job – you know, drinking coffee, and just being.

saturday morning thoughts

October 13, 2012

Good morning readers!

Hope you all slept good, and are ready to face this (at least here in town) beautiful day! I started off this day reading a comment I got from a dear friend. She wrote;

I like the new design, and it makes me smile because I think for you creating the design is more fun than blogging.

It is so true, as for right now in my life. I truly love changing the design here – work on what colors to be presented, which pictures to put where, and so on. But when it comes to the blogging/writing part – it.is.so.freaking.hard. I’m going through a pretty tough phase in my life right now. I wrote a blog post back in the middle of August about my struggle on how much and what to share with you all here. So many things are private, and since I’m still in the middle of everything, it’s hard to share it. My everyday life is filled with different treatments and I don’t think it would be fun for you to read about that (and I’m not sure I feel comfortable sharing it all either). Who wants to read about that? Or do you?

Another perspective is that, I want this blog to be a positive and fun blog and not considered boring and sick. I truly hate the word: sick. I want to focus on L I F E, because I want to start living it for real again. If I would start writing about my everyday life with all treatments I’m going through, it’s focused on the sick part of my life, which I want to get rid of.

Ok, so what will I do? I believe I will continue in the same way I have been “writing” before and the design will probably change every now and then since I love changing it so much. One day, I might share a bit more of my story, but as for right now it feels better keeping it to myself, my love, my family, and closest friends. But you know what? I’m more intrigued by blogging now when I have a new design. So check back later on. Hehe. Thank you for you comment, B, because it truly made me think more about all of this.

Take care, and try to do your best out of this day!

a day trip to nyköping

October 7, 2012

liz and i spent our saturday in the beautiful city, nyköping. it was time for the traditional reunion weekend with the girls i used to study with in college. we try to see each other once or twice a year. with busy schedules, and living in five different cities, it’s hard to see each other more often than that. this time we were meeting in nyköping. liz and i took an early bus saturday morning and spent the saturday there with them. did some shopping, took a long walk, had deep or less deep conversations during dinner, drank  glasses of wine, and just were together. i truly love these girls and i am so happy to still be in contact with them even though we all finished school more than two years ago. i started off taking plenty of pictures when we walked around in town, to only later on totally forget the camera. oh, well. i was enjoying the company and too busy talking.

new music, vintage style.

October 5, 2012

we just couldn’t resist walking into that little corner music shop on the main street. and we just couldn’t resist checking out some of the newly arrived LP’s. we just love it; the music, and our upcoming music wall in our home. vaxkupan is definitely worth a visit if you happen to be in town or come to norrköping.