Another really personal blog post, that scares me so much to post, but I’m doing it anyway.

Today has been a pretty crappy day. A g a i n. It feels like I’m writing that all the time…But that’s how I feel. I have no energy, I’m not feeling positive at all, and I’m really sad. Today, the nutritionist said that I should drink seven nutrition drinks per day if I don’t eat any food. I almost freaked out (or I did, but not necessarily because of the mentioned seven nutrition drinks); so three is sort of the deal now (way too few if you compare with the amount I should eat, energy wise). I can’t do seven and I can’t do real/cooked food…but I can’t do three nutrition drinks either right now. Great. Or not. Will see what happens tomorrow when I’m seeing my main therapist. I know it can’t continue like this, since it will lead to something I definitely do NOT want it to. I need to fight hard so I’ll have energy for China, but first for the rest of the week, the weekend, the funeral of my granddad, and Easter!

I’m gonna go to bed now and hopefully wake up tomorrow with some more energy and some more positiveiness so I can let others (professionals and my love) help me to fight. It just needs to let them do that. It’s so hard.

Love.