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Welcome, beautiful May!

May 1, 2017

cherry_blossoms

Hey Friends, and welcome back!

I’ve been gone for a while, and with this post, I’m not saying I’m back on a regular basis again, just to warn you. Hehe. However, today, I had the feeling, and the longing to share my thoughts. I truly think I need this space, a channel to share exactly what I’m feeling and thinking. Whenever. However.

It’s first of May today. Also, from now on, called my birthday month! Yeah. I’m turning 33 towards the end of May (20th to be exact), and with that, I’m beginning my 34th year of living. How cool is that? I’ve made it this far, and hopefully have many years to come!

To be honest, I feel like my life is starting all over again, the sickness of my eating disorder is not my whole “life” anymore. There are other things to focus on. I still have a while to walk on the path of being free from it, but almost every day, I’m making progress in leaving it behind me, and it’s such an amazing feeling.

I’m also in a phase where I’m trying to minimilize my life when it comes to stuff. I don’t want to have tons of clothes – I prefer to wear pieces that I know where they come from, have a transparent business (where you know the process of making it and not many middle hands in between). I would much rather pay a little more for quality and good business values, instead of paying a mass company, with horrible working conditions for its employees, and so forth. I’m also making a change of the products I’m using (make up, etc.), to know if it has been tested on animals or not, and what ingredients it has. Ok, I’m not gonna get completely stuck in this subject right now, it can be its own post. However, my point is, that I’m trying to go through things I own, give it away or sell it, in order to own less. My goal is to know exactly everything I own and where it’s placed, to know where it comes from, and the process of making it.

In order to reach some things I really want to aim for, I’ve decided to set up some various goals for the month of May. I thought it could be a neat monthly tradition, where towards the end of the month, I go through my goals and see what I need to give more time doing or scratch from the list, or what I’ve done. No pressure, but pure joy and getting the feeling of working towards what’s important in my life right now. Here we go:

Spring 2017

 

My May Goals

  • Continue going through stuff – get rid of things and organize the rest.
  • Plan a kitchen renovation.
  • Learn more about running a business.
  • Start using Lightroom (a photo editing software) on a regular basis.
  • Cook at least once a week, perhaps twice.
  • Try pole dancing.

 

Pep

March 12, 2017

Pep.

To get this in a text from a close friend, warms my soul & heart <3

Welcome, 2017!

January 1, 2017

2017
I feel so ready for you, 2017.

It’s New Years Eve, around 10PM here on the East coast of the US. Sweden has already lived in 2017 for some hours, and we’re about to enter it as well, and while we’re waiting I thought I could share some of my thoughts abut how to improve my life in order to live it to the fullest.

I have a few things I’ve thought of, changes I wanna make, improvements, healthy choices, and a desire to live life like I’ve never done before. Let’s organize it a little bit better:

Health
Make sure I drink as much water as I need every day, sleep enough hours every night, eat good food that I’ve also cooked, and take walks in order to get fresh air, every now and then.

Weekly luxury stuff
To do something for myself every week, along with doing something together with Liz every week. It could be, for example, to go to the movies on a regular Tuesday night. Grab a glass of wine downtown on a Friday after work, buy a sweater or something for home, fix my nails, get massages, treat myself with some lattes and juices etc. out, take away food on a weekday night…and so forth.

Travels
To have a few ideas/plans for possible trips. It could be a day in Stockholm, a long weekend in Ireland, a London trip…Just a few things, something special, to look forward to.

Creativity
Learn more about video editing, do paper art, take more pictures, film vlogs, and work on Liz’s and my new projects. Continue with our podcast and perhaps improve it even more.

Friends and Family
Meet up more with friends and family. More spontaneity in life.

Life in general
Try to clean out my life and by that I mean, live a more minimalistic life… think through once and twice before a purchase. Just because something is really cheap, I might not wanna stand behind the values of  how it was produced; for example, avoiding fast fashion. Also, to organize and go through our storage units. I don’t need as much stuff and clothes that I already have.


Lastly: To worry less and live more. 

Thursday thoughts

September 15, 2016

tattoo

I woke up with a pretty heavy feeling inside of me today. My energy level is pretty low nowadays, due to new routines/changes in my life.

Once I had gotten up to a higher energy level, life changed, and I need to face the exhausted feelings again. But I know it’s worth it. Because this is life, not where I was a year ago, five years ago, or even ten years ago. However, there’s so much going on right now, things I cannot control, fun stuff, tough stuff…and where am I in all of this? I have no idea. Who am I? How do you figure out who you are? How do you know your identity? What is identity? How would you describe yourself? I don’t know. I feel pretty lost right now. But perhaps, time will show, ride this wave, and I will explore more and more. The hard part, though, is to have patience enough, to let this take its time.

New week, new energy?

September 12, 2016

Sept. 2016

This past weekend hasn’t been the greatest one in history. I haven’t stepped outside at all, not wanted to show myself for anyone, and just felt anxious and bad. I truly hate when those days come, and I’m not that great at taking care of me/them either. Basically, I just wanted to sleep all the feelings away, which isn’t really good since I probably need to take care and face my emotions/feelings. So I’m gonna try to change the thoughts now…because they’re still there.

Hope you’re having a good beginning of the week ♥

Back to work!

September 5, 2016

quote

YOU create your own possibilities

Guys, guess what I’m doing today!!! I’m gonna start working a little bit again, after nearly a year of being on the sick list full time. I’ll take it really slowly in the beginning, and will just be at work a couple of hours every day. I’m pumped, excited, but also nervous in some way. Just like it “should” be, I guess.

At least, I’m not gonna work with stressful deadlines and have any direct contact with customers in the beginning. Instead, I am going to work within the company, such as, promoting it in on social media. Gonna be so much fun! I love social media, and to be able to work with it, is awesome. Like a dream. I feel so creative and inspired right now.

So from now on, I’ll work a tiny bit again, and I think we all (my therapist, mentor, Liz, the doctor, my job, and I) all have a great plan for me. And I’m gonna start saying that my position at work is not only as a Graphic Designer, but also as a Social Media Coordinator.

1.

July 5, 2016

Hair bun

How do I let things go?

Who am I?

I have so many questions and the two above are the key ones at the moment.

What’s my goal? A goal I can’t reach? That will keep going, through and with me, in life.
Something from deep within.

 

Gotta figure it out.

Somehow.

But it’s hard to take the first real step, when you don’t know how to take it.

 

Today’s song: When We Were Young by Adele.

Min bror tog drogerna by Frida Jonsson

May 28, 2016

Min bror tog drogerna by Frida Jonsson

This post is partly in English and partly in Swedish since I found the quotes from the book so good that I don’t even wanna translate them. I apologize for those of you who don’t understand Swedish..

I finished a book today, a book worth its own post. Frida Jonsson, a girl I studied with at University, has written Drogerna to min bror Min bror tog drogerna, and I ordered it right away, when she announced its release. Frida’s brother was addicted to drugs and went in and out of jail, the hospital, and treatment places. In the book you’ll read, from Fridas perspective, as younger sibling, how it has been for her to be part of a family that’s breaking apart for various reasons. To get the perspective of a sibling’s situation, Frida’s situation, and also to understand a bit of her way of seeing and facing addiction, grief, relationships, her life, and also the life of her whole family, is overwhelming, and touching. Frida is such a wise girl who has so much to share and so many smart thoughts to share that made me start thinking even more about my own life situation, and how I’m facing hard times, and my life in general. What kind of changes can I do, and how? If you know someone near you, suffering from drug addiction in any kind of way, or if you’d like to get a glimpse what it could be like to be in a situation like Frida, or if you’d just like to get some really awesome thoughts on a way of dealing with life, this is definitely a must read. It’s only available in Swedish as of right now (but who knows if there will be an English version later on!?).

Min bror tog drogerna by Frida Jonsson

“Syskon som anhöriga glöms ofta bort. Både av familjen och av samhället – men också av oss själva. Det viktigaste är att mamma, pappa och brorsan mår bra. Jag klarar mig alltid. Vi visar ofta förståelse och vill inte hävda våra behov. I ‘Min bror tog drogerna’ får du som läsare inblick i hur det kan vara att ha ett syskon som försvinner allt längre in i drogernas värld. Hur det känns att bara stå bredvid och längta, vänta och undra. Boken är en ärlig berättelse om beundran och samhörighet. Om maktlöshet och förtvivlan. Om en syskonkärlek som aldrig dör”.

Frida shared some really good thoughts and wise words, that made me think about my life situation and how to face tough things in my life. Even though, what she was going through, isn’t really what I’m going through, or not at all, I can see similarities in thoughts and her words started a process inside of me that I can’t quite let go of.

Min bror tog drogerna by Frida Jonsson

Min bror tog drogerna by Frida Jonsson

 

Till dig, för att du är så duktig.

Jag tror att mening med livet är att söka sin egen sanning. Inte ta någon annans teori, inte köpa någon annans sanning rakt av. Det är fusk, och kommer därför inte funka. Utan fundera, reflektera och till sist formulera din EGEN teori. Din egen sanning; vad är meningen med livet, för MIG? Hur blir JAG lycklig? Men på vägen till sin egen sanning kan man ta hjälp och inspireras av andra och till exempel den här boken*. Men ingen är ju som DIG. Ingen har exakt dina upplevelser och erfarenheter. Ingen har exakt dina förutsättningar, dina möjligheter och förmågor. Därför måste du formulera din livsformel.

Ur Min bror tog drogerna, Frida Jonsson

*She had bought a book to her brother and referred to that one in this passage.

Ps. You can buy the book here.

when days turn out in a different, unexpected way

April 9, 2016

It’s been a pretty ok week with some challenges that have been good, but also have made me tired. However, it’s been totally worth it! But, it has its price and my energy level is pretty low, so Liz and I have decided, with consultation with my therapist, to cancel an event we were invited to today. I hate to cancel stuff, but sometimes, or all the time as of right now, I have to listen to my body and mind, when it’s telling me no. So instead of going to a big wedding party tonight, we’re staying home. I feel so bad about it, but also relieved since I truly don’t have the energy. Plus, we have major things coming up in just a few weeks with the celebrations of last of April here in Uppsala and the best, Liz’s cousin is coming here!! So excited about that!

So today, Liz and I are gonna take it easy, help a friend to do some shopping, watch movies at home, and just be. Exactly what I need.

Zola, our cat, is pretty damn good at taking care of herself, resting when she needs to, finding the sunny spots in life…such an inspiration, and something I should do too.

Hope you’re having a good weekend and try to take care of yourselves in the best possible way, promise me that ♥

A little mix