Monthly Archives

November 2015

Weekend challenges, Sunday morning, and exciting stuff

November 22, 2015

Me

Hi my amazing readers – this little kiss above is for you! ♥

You know what?! I DID IT! My challenge yesterday as I wrote a little bit about here. Liz and I went downtown after lunch and did some errands and then headed to a cafe. I didn’t want to write about it in detail beforehand for some reason, but now, when I’ve done it, I will. The challenge was for me to drink a latte or something (read: not plain coffee at a cafe), and I did! It was something I’d planned with my therapist and nutritionist to do just in order to be more flexible when being out and about so I don’t feel like I have to run home at the exact time for my snack, but can have it wherever I am. Just to be clear, a latte is actually not completely enough as a snack for me at the moment, and the next step is to eat something with it, but you have to do this step by step, and this was the first one. Yes. I even enjoyed it a little bit!

So it’s Sunday morning. Pretty early and we’ve been up for a while. I have a weird sleep schedule nowadays which I’m not a huge fan of…but oh, well. As of right now, though, I am enjoying sitting here, blogging with candles lit, coffee beside me, and a cozy cat in my lap.

We have some exciting plans this afternoon, but once again, I’ll leave it as a little cliff hanger since I don’t really know what the outcome will be, and therefore, is better to tell you all afterwords. Hehe, pretty mean perhaps..I do really wanna write about it..but at the same time it feels a bit weird doing it before I know more stuff..so to be continued.

Love to you all!

A chilly Saturday

November 21, 2015

Morning coffee

Good morning!

This is how I started off this chilly Saturday – a yummy cup of coffee. It’s beautiful out today so Liz and I might go out a little bit later on – most likely downtown. I’m not really allowed to walk around a lot, but to go downtown, for a challenge, is ok. But we’ll see. It’s the plan, but it also has to feel ok so it won’t turn in to a “fall back” or that I compensate it in any way.

However, the morning has been cozy, and I’m about to get into the new puzzle I bought and started the other day. We’re also gonna inventory our Christmas box in the basement that we brought with us when we moved from the States to see what we need (read: we most likely need Swedish electric chords for our stars that we’re gonna hang in our windows next weekend).

In this household, it’s really important to celebrate Thanksgiving before any Christmas stuff hangs up or anything is being decorated in the apartment. I actually really like that tradition and I also grew up with pretty much no decoration before First of Advent. The same goes with Christmas music. Nothing is being played until the end of next week (Thanksgiving is next Thursday, but we’re gonna celebrate it next Friday since it’s not a holiday here, and the family we’ve invited to Thanksgiving dinner work Thursday and Friday). So in a week from now, Liz and I will be in full force decorating our home. Fun and exciting. I’ll probably do another post about the decoration theme we’ve decided to go with this year. Yes, we’re that into this, with a Christmas-based decorating theme. A hint though is that this year will be minimalistic, clean, Nordic, and white. Love it!

Ok, time to move on with the puzzle and then after lunch, head out for some challenges. Hope you’re having a good Saturday! ♥

A get to know me list

November 17, 2015

Me at Söder

Good times at Söder in Stockholm this past summer.

 

Found this list weeks ago on a girl’s blog, answered the questions, drafted the post, and totally forgot about it until today. So here we go, a get-to-know-me list!

1. How old are you?
31.

2. How old do you feel?
Hmm. Like 25 perhaps? Not really a reason why 25.

3. Where do you live?
In Uppsala, Sweden.

4. What have you done today?
Been to day treatment, got off there at 1pm, walked downtown and met up with Liz, did some shopping/errands (bought some new really cool pants which I might show you another day – so hard to take pictures now when it’s so dark), got home and ate a snack, listened to music, and am doing some blogging right now – answering these questions.

5. Summer, fall, winer, or spring? What do you prefer and why?
All of them in not too long periods and specific months. Spring: around late May. Fall: Late September/October if the weather is sunny. Winter: December with snow on the ground but also the holidays. Summer: July when it’s hopefully warm and nice out.

6. Are you addicted to something/do you depend on anything?
Liz. Internet. Music.

7. Mention three things people might not know about you:
1. I’ve been extra in a Swedish TV-series.

2. I dislike the left side of my face and never want it to be shown. Read: never want it to be exposed in any way. It determines where and how I sit and stand e v e r y w h e r e. True story and something I need to really work on, which I will.

3. I used to be (or am) a singer and have sung (and played) for several weddings, name ceremonies, funerals, and concerts. In fact, three years ago, as of today, I performed, together with a band, in Old Town Stockholm at an old wine cellar from the 1500s (I believe it was the 1500s). I haven’t performed in a long time now.

8. Where in the world would you like to be right now?
USA or Japan (Tokyo)

9. What mood are you in at the moment?
Angry, upset, and anxious.

10. What’s your favorite candy?
Popcorn and chocolate.

11. What are you favorite store(s)?
Weekday, Gap, Carlings, and Monki.

12. Are you a morning or evening person?
I used to be an evening person, but nowadays, more of a morning person. But I think it’s because of how I’m doing right now in life.

13. Have you had any stitches before?
Yes, a few times, different places (my leg, lip, and inside my mouth)

14. Who, lately, did some extra special for you?
Liz, but also an old friend of mine who sent an amazing letter to me with sweet words, thoughts, and such a fun memory shared in a fantastic way. It truly touched my heart <3

15. Are you shy?
No, not so much, but I used to be.

16. Do you have any middle names, if so, what name(s)?
Yes, Maria and Viktoria. So my full name is; Lina Maria Viktoria Eriksson.

17. Would you like to get married?
I’m already married, since 2009 and don’t plan to get married ever again!

18. Do you have any nicknames?
Yes, Lollie, Lollienonna, Blinis, Lina-fina.

A little update

November 9, 2015

Haven’t written here in a while because, to be honest, I feel like I have nothing to come with. My days are so freaking uninteresting where I’m just moving myself between the hospital and home basically.

Well, I lied a tiny bit there, because I have done a few things lately. Halloween took place a little bit more than a week ago, where Liz and I hosted a party (planned way ahead before I knew what my life would look like right now). I was pretty nervous about hosting the party, because I’m not feeling that great at all, and it’s hard for people (no offense) to understand what an eating disorder is like, and especially how my life is, or more my non-existing life is, in dealing with this sickness. But it went ok. I had fun, and my American little sister, as I wrote about in my last post, was here, which was such a blast.

Other than that, it’s been close to hell, if there’s one, off and on. I’ve been pretty sick other times in life, but this, as I’ve said sometime before, is one of the hardest times in some ways. Just because this has to be the last round of relapse. I can’t, my body can’t, and Lina doesn’t want to deal with this anymore. But it’s not just to stop the sickness. This is something I have to work hard on. And it takes a long time. It has to take a long time now. Probably several months more…

Liz was out of town this past weekend for her second weekend of her life coach training class. I had some plans, that didn’t quite work out do due to various reasons and when I had back up plans, they didn’t work out as well, which led to a pretty crappy weekend where the eating disorder completely took over. I do have to highlight some great support I received in comments on Facebook, private messages, chats, and texts though. That meant so much to me so a huge thank you for all that support ♥.

I do want to describe something for ya’ though. When I’m having a tough period/day/weekend, it’s hard. I might be sad and disappointed in myself for not doing what I’m supposed to do, while the Anorexia side of me is cheering like crazy. But it’s not like I’m having a really bad day and the next day is good. Right now in my life, all days are sadly pretty bad. Sounds depressing and it is. But it’s true. Every day is hard. I wake up, have to face my body (which I hate), have to see how I look (which I hate), walk to the hospital where I have to face my biggest phobia (to eat or to gain weight among some other things), and deal with anxiety before, during, and after every meal. Once the anxiety has calmed down a tiny bit, it’s time for the next meal, and so it goes on every day. The more I work on facing my phobia, the more it should lessen, but as of right now, I’m in a phase where it’s not getting easier at all. Well, I eat more than I used to so that’s, in the healthy way of thinking, a step, but the Anorexia part is always screaming and making an entrance when I’m going against that side. And since that’s what I’m doing right now by eating several meals a day at the day treatment and at home, the screaming is worse. If I don’t eat, it’s calmer…you see my point? So no matter what I do, it’s hell. So if I have a tough day with a lot of anxiety and then come back to the clinic, it doesn’t mean that it’s better, rather harder and worse in a sense. It’s hard to describe…but I really wanna try just to give you readers a little chance to get a better understanding of my situation.

And to just add some extra stuff in my life right now, it might get slightly worse for a few weeks ahead due to some additional changes in my life (related to the eating disorder). So I feel like I’m changing gear, in a different way, but again pretty soon, which I hope will lead to the better side soon. But I just have to walk through the really tough parts first.

I found this on my Pinterest board that Liz had pinned, and wanted to share it with you too, because that’s how I’m trying to think right now and perhaps it will speak to you too?

quote

Sorry for a rather depressing post, but I can’t really present anything better as of right now. Thanks for keeping coming back here and leaving comments as well (been bad responding to them, but will in the next few days).

Love to you all ♥