Monthly Archives

October 2015

Dream or goal life and American little sister

October 29, 2015

Homework stuff.

We have some group treatment at the day treatment as well, and not only individual sessions. Today, we got this homework of creating or rather splitting up the circle on the piece of paper above, into different pieces such as family, interests, health, work etc. How we want our life to look, as opposed to how it is now, where the eating disorder is now taking such a huge part of this circle. So this is what I’m working on this afternoon, while my amazing wife is doing laundry, cooking dinner, and earlier cleaned the apartment. Isn’t she amazing or what?! I’m one lucky girl.

Other than this, it’s been a pretty tough week with new challenges since I’ve eaten a bigger snack in the evening and now cooked food for dinner since Monday. Thursdays are always hard also due to the weigh-ins. But, it’s time to face my big fears, work on them, and then continue working on other things in life so the eating disorder won’t come back again.

On to something more positive and fun that’s happening very soon! My American little sister is heading our way, arriving tonight in Uppsala. I’m so excited to see her!! She’s from Minnesota, USA, but has been living in China for some years, and is now studying in Berlin! Our families have been friends since the 80’s, and she and her sister (at different times) have been exchange students in Sweden, living with my parents. My actual sister has been an au pair in their family in the States, their parents have lived and worked in Sweden, I’ve celebrated Christmas and New Years with them, and then they’ve been back to Sweden a few times visiting and so on. I see her as my extra sister, along with her older sister as well. Yep, that’s a short summary of why I have an American “little sister” (or actually two). <3

Ok, time to get into the homework…

Sunday morning

October 25, 2015

Candles.

Candles.

Good morning! It’s right after 8am here and Sweden has changed to winter time so the time difference between the States (East Coast) and Sweden are only 5 hours now for one week, until the States changes time. I haven’t really felt the change that much, but probably will later on today when it’ll get darker earlier.

I’m sitting here on the couch in our living room, it’s pretty gray outside so I decided to light some candles for extra coziness, while I’m sipping my cup of coffee. We spent all Saturday at home and I organized papers, rested, and we also started watching a, for us, new TV series, Homeland. I like it so far. Today’s plans were first to perhaps go and check out the dream apartment since it’s a showing today, but we really can’t buy it now, so it’ll probably just be tough to see it in real life. So we’re skipping it. But we’re heading downtown after lunch to do a few errands (I might get another reward based on my reward system!) and to also get out a little bit. Other than that, we’re just gonna be home, probably watch some more Homeland/TV, and I’m gonna mentally prepare myself as much as possible for the upcoming week.

When you’re in treatment for an eating disorder, you eat from a really specific food schedule – based on times, amounts, and it’s all planned out exactly what you’re gonna eat. It’s also pretty common to not eat 100% in the beginning. For example, when I started day treatment, I only ate half of a full portion of the lunch there. It’s because you need to mentally get used to eating again and physically, your body needs to get used to the amount of foods, so you have to take it easy. I’ve been at 100% on my food schedule at day treatment for a little while now, but not at home (as the plan has been).

But it’s time to change gears now, and I have already begun by eating a bigger snack in the evening. However, starting Monday, I’m gonna eat cooked food for dinner (have had yogurt and müsli before)…so it’s a pretty big change which is really hard for me..or the eating disorder. Mind and body are not connected, and the eating disorder is screaming not to eat, while Lina knows that this is the healthy way to go, so every single meal is a huge battle that no one else, who hasn’t had an eating disorder, can really understand. But I’m trying to share a few things here, so hopefully you readers, will get an insight as to what it is like.

Speaking of food, I believe it’s time to prepare breakfast now…

5 to 1

October 23, 2015

Fall

Found this list below on another girl’s blog and thought, why not fill in the list as well? So here I go.

5 things I think about a lot
• Where we’re gonna live once we can’t live where we are now.
• The holidays that are coming up (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas).
• Our upcoming trips (nothing specifically planned, but we wanna go to Paris, Dublin, Berlin, and the States – hopefully all of them or a couple of them, during 2016).
• My treatment right now and all that comes with that – changes in my life that I have to do and that I work on every single day right now. It’s tough. I’ve gone through many different treatments in my life, but I believe this is gonna be the hardest, because this will be (has to be) the last time, therefore, the fight will be harder than ever.
• Friends and family I haven’t been in contact with in a long time…

4 things that smell wonderful
Clothes that still smell- like the States and the laundry detergent there. I find clothes every now and then that I haven’t used since we lived in the States…and it smells like home. Our American home, which I miss so much. 
The lilies we have in the kitchen.
Fresh brewed coffee in the morning.
The perfume Rain by Clean.

3 things I want to improve in my life/get better at
Face my fears.
Be social again. Sorry friends for not contacting you right now…
Live in the moment and be satisfied with the present time.

2 things I miss in my closet
Does a watch count? If so, a Daniel Wellington Classic Sheffield Lady watch.
A soft, thin, gray, long sleeve sweater made of cashmere. Like this one.

1 thing I want to do before 2015 is over
Eat out at a restaurant and enjoy it without feeling anxious before, during, and afterwards.

A dream apartment

October 22, 2015

As of right now, Liz and I are subletting an apartment in Uppsala, in an awesome location, with lots of character (wooden floors, high ceilings, etc.). However, we know we can’t rent this apartment forever. The living situation in Uppsala is horrible with really expensive prices when it comes to buying apartment (which is a normal thing to do in Sweden – basically you can either rent/sublet a house or an apartment, buy a house, or buy an apartment.

Since we’ve decided that Uppsala is gonna be our home base, where we eventually want to own our own place, and then later on also have a place in the States as well where we can go every now and then to, I’m checking the Internet and apartment market pretty much every day. I check it for various reasons: it’s fun, I want to learn what the market looks like, and I want to be as prepared as possible when it’s our time to purchase a home. When you do this research on a regular basis, you also come across some amazing places where you could pretty much move in right away because you love it SO MUCH! That has happened now. This apartment has many of the things I really love. Of course, there are also things I wish it had, which it doesn’t, but it’s pretty rare you find THE one, with everything you want all in one place. However, I thought I would share this dream apartment of mine that’s for sale right now here in Uppsala, and a place I so dream about owning. Gaaaaaah, if I only had some more money right now. First some explanation about the stuff I like.

Location
This apartment is located downtown Uppsala, on one of our favorite streets full of cafe’s, restaurants, independent stores, pubs, and our favorite pub really just around the corner. It takes about 2 min to walk to the main shopping street and about 1 min to get to the beautiful river. It’s a dream location pretty much, according to us.

Size
Since our goal is to have a second home in the States eventually, we really don’t need a big space. This is a one bedroom apartment (2 room as we say in Sweden), and is a little bit more than 470ft² (44 m²).

Floorplan
I really loved the open floorplan in the apartment we had in the States, where kitchen/dining room, and the living room, were all combined. And this one has the same. It’s perfect for socializing when someone is cooking food, and the other one or guests are hanging out comfortably in the living room area.

The building
I either love older apartments with plenty of character or modern, new-built apartments. This is a combination since the building is from 1810-1906 (it was probably built in different stages and additional parts of the building was added due to the huge span of about 100 years!), but modern inside, with still some character when it comes to the windows for example. I love that you go through a gate of the building on the street, walk across a backyard/courtyard, and have your own entrance to the apartment. It gives you a house-owning feeling, but it’s an apartment. Think: pumpkins on the doorsteps and a Christmas wreath on the door, and other holiday-related decorations that you can actually do even though you’re living in an apartment downtown!

Style
The apartment is like a blank white canvas where you have the chance to put your own touch when it comes to decoration and interior design. I want my place to look clean, but yet have a personal touch with textiles, and decorative things based on our two cultures – the American and Swedish culture. The windows, again, are f a n t a s t i c!!!

Ok, so there are a few things I do wish this apartment had. First of all, a balcony! However, it’s only a two floor story building, where you can always hang out in the common backyard areas – grill out and sit at a bigger table etc. If you live in a house, you have to step out of a door, down to the grassy areas anyway. I also wish it had a walk-in closet because I really would like to be able to see and have all my clothes available all year around and not have to pack them away due to season. But as long as I have some more space than I have now, I’m fine. Dressers could be a good solution. In my dream world, it would also be amazing if it actually was a two bedroom apartment instead of one bedroom, so we could have a separate office/guest bedroom. But, again, we don’t want a big apartment anyway.

Here we go with the pictures.

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Svartbäcksgatan

Love this apartment so much and I will probably cry a bit the day I see it’s sold to someone else…

Sometimes, there’s nothing else to do than to simply breathe.

October 20, 2015

She saw and felt that all I needed was to breathe in the crisp fall air and soak up the sunny weather. To just be able to leave everything for a bit. She led me to the stairs, gave me a warm hug, and said we’d talk more on Monday morning. Sometimes, there’s nothing else to do than to simply breathe and just be. To let stuff pass and hopefully experience better times, and then better times again, and then even better later on. Today, I’m extra thankful for some people that are in my life right now. ♥ – From my Instagram account last Friday.

Friday was pretty hard, as it feels like I’m writing about every day and every week here…but that’s how it is right now, so I’m just being honest. It was so bad, so all I needed was to get out of the situation, place myself somewhere else, preferably outside in the fresh air since it was hard to breathe, and just soak up the sun, and the beauty of the outside. Life. I left the building, went to the city park here in town, and just looked around me at all the beauty, tried to refocus, and waited on Liz to come and meet up with me. What a better way to focus on the moment right there where I was than by taking pictures. So I did.

Fall in the park

Fall in the park

Fall in the park

Fall in the park

Untitled

Fall in the park

Untitled

Home made tea

October 19, 2015

Tea

Ginger/Honey/Lemon tea.

Two of our friends in Asheville, NC (USA) took Liz and I to an Asian restaurant once. I really enjoyed the food there, but what really caught me was a tea they ordered, and when I tasted it, I just had to order it myself as well. I really like drinking coffee, but like the idea of drinking tea during cozy, dark and cold fall evenings. You get the picture. Hehe. Liz did a little bit of research and found a recipe and made the tea yesterday for my afternoon snack! The result? Delicious! So I’m asking Liz now to describe how she made it, here below so you can, hopefully, enjoy it as well!

Hey guys, Liz here! Here’s my simple recipe for Honey Ginger Lemon Tea:

Ingredients:

fresh ginger root, lemon, honey, water

What to do:

Fill a pot with one cup of water (1-2 deciliters). Cut off about a 1 inch piece of ginger root. Grate the ginger using a little grater over the pot of water (just to make sure the ginger falls into the water). Pour a second cup of water (1-2 dl) over the grater to get the rest of the ginger off and into the pot. Cut the lemon in half and squeeze one half of the lemon into the pot of water and ginger. Add honey to taste. Heat up all of the ingredients in the pot to almost boiling.

Strain/filter the tea into mugs or a tea pot. I used a regular coffee filter, but mind you, it takes a while to let the water run through. Honestly, I only filtered it so no ginger pieces ended up in my tea pot. So, you can pretty much just take out what few pieces might be there and then just pour the rest of it into your mugs/tea pot.

Sip and savor! (and add a shot of whiskey if you’re in the mood. Hehe.)

Cleaning, Håkan, and just some rest

October 18, 2015

Håkan Hellström tickets.Finally was able to buy tickets to the Håkan Hellström concert (after hours of being in line!)

The week has just been a major blur, where I’ve had zero energy more than making it back and forth to the hospital. I’ve literally just been on the couch the rest of the time, which my main nurse also told me to do – no physically activity. While it’s been necessary, it’s also been pretty hard dealing with this state of not doing anything. I get so restless, but am so tired, and yet I can’t sleep good. It’s a catch-22.

After last weekend, Liz and I decided to not have any plans at all this weekend. We’ve been watching a lot of Netflix, and yesterday we were working hard on getting tickets to the Håkan Hellström concert in June 2016! The arena in Gothenburg seats around 75 000 people (perhaps a few less since the stage takes up some space), and we stood in line (online) to stand in line (online) in order to buy the tickets. When it was 12 o’clock, the website where you ordered the tickets, was overloaded with people wanting to buy tickets. At one point it said on their Facebook page that there were around 95 000 freaking people trying to buy tickets at the same time on their website. 95 000!!!! And then, think of each of them buying at least two tickets each. I realized, with our waiting time in line (more than an hour), we weren’t gonna get any tickets… Suddenly, the artist decided to added a second concert the next day, and luckily we got tickets to that one (after bing in line for around 4 hours in total, working on three different computers at the same time!), with pretty good seats as well! Woo hoo! A friend of mine and her sister are going too so we’re gonna have a little road trip to Gothenburg then. Can’t wait! Anyhow, once we’ve gotten the tickets, my life turned out to be a little bit more glorious for a bit, even though the concert is not until June. Hehe.

We’re also making some travel plans to the States for next summer and a possible beach week with the American family which is making me beyond excited!! Cross your fingers it will happen and that we’re gonna rent the house at the beach we had last time, right on the beach of North Carolina – I love it! Today, Sunday, we’ve been doing some major cleaning at home and are just gonna watch TV tonight.

Hope you’ve had a great weekend!

Wednesday morning walk

October 14, 2015

Fall morning in Uppsala!

It’s been such a pretty fall day here in Uppsala, Sweden. This is what it looked like this morning when I was walking to the hospital. This is the kind of fall weather I love – blue sky, the sun is shining, not crazy cold but enough to wear a cozy scarf and gloves etc. And then with all the colors and contrasts. Gaaah, I could keep going.

It’s been an ok day today, really tough parts, but also glimpses of positive, and good stuff. I just really appreciate all the other patients there, they’re so nice, and such heroes.

About the Stockholm Weekend

October 12, 2015

LiliesBought some Lilies today, to cheer up my Monday!

Liz and I headed to Stockholm right after my day in treatment Friday afternoon. It had been a crazy day there with a lot of tough things that had happened, which I will not get into here as of right now. Anyhow, we hopped on the train to Stockholm, checked into our hotel, and headed to my sister in law’s sister. The sister had turned 40 and we were invited to celebrate her, among with other family and friends. It was so much fun with a crazy crowd of interesting people! How I love to talk with new people and I always feel so fortunate to learn more about areas and subjects that I might not know that much about. So cool. It was a great evening and I managed to follow the plans that were made up for food and drink. So far, so good.

We came back to the hotel pretty late in the evening, went to bed, and slept. Saturday morning, I woke up, and my body pretty much shut down. Again, not gonna get into details, but I was not hung over (I wasn’t drunk Friday night and I felt physically ok during Friday evening). But my body pretty much physically collapsed and we were almost questioning whether to call an ambulance or to just figure out other strategies. We made some phone calls, and talked with a nurse who’s a friend of mine, who gave us some good tips. I was not in shape to doing anything more than lie down in bed. It was horrible and I’ve never ever experienced anything like this before.

We had to check out, after Liz had extended the time some, and took a cab out to our friends’ home. They were also the ones we were gonna go to a concert with on Saturday evening. I crashed on their couch and got up close to when it was time to leave for the concert, which was also the reason why we stayed in Stockholm over the night. I thought that the concert was gonna be something good for my soul to experience and just gonna be something positive, especially after the collapse, so I was determined to go and to not cancel another thing in life due to my eating disorder. I made it through the concert and our friends were so kind and drove us to the train station afterwards so we could catch the train back to where we live.

Sunday, was all about relaxing on the couch and trying to get some strength back. My main nurse at the hospital has also told me to not be physically active in any way as of right now, in order to let my body get as much rest as possible.

So the Stockholm weekend, didn’t exactly turn out the way we wanted, but I’m feeling a bit better now, and I have people checking on me at the hospital, so there’s no need to worry right now. It just turned out to be too much to handle, I believe, with the Friday madness at treatment, the dinner and being social Friday night (which was plenty fun, but it sucked out a lot of my energy at the same time), and then being away from home, and the stress that comes with that. Too much for my body to handle.

I wanted to share some pictures from Stockholm (or mainly the concert) with you all, but will do that in another post instead. This turned out to be so long. So, there was an update about my weekend..

Love to you all, my amazing readers and supporters ♥

Sunday evening on the couch

October 11, 2015

It’s Sunday evening and I wasn’t actually gonna post anything today – hadn’t schedule anything and haven’t had any energy. I’ve been blogging every day for the past few weeks and I don’t wanna stress myself out thinking that I have to post something every day, because I don’t. And I should only do it when I’m feeling like doing it. However, I changed my mind, and the reason is you, my beloved readers. Having you commenting on my posts and leaving supportive notes means so much to me. Truly. And when I logged in and saw several comments left here a few moments ago, I just got really overwhelmed, touched, and just felt inspired to leave a little note here.

Thank you so much!

I also would like to make sure that you also know that I’m always responding to your comments, so make sure to check back to the post where you left the comment, to see my answer.

The weekend has been a roller coaster with some major highlights and some really bad moments. I might write something about that in the next few days. Now, I’m gonna continue resting on the couch and watch something on Netflix together with Liz. Hope you have had a great weekend!