Yearly Archives

2015

2015

December 31, 2015

2015

What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?
Started working professionally as a Graphic Designer. Moved to Uppsala, Sweden, together with Liz, and we were toast madams at my brother’s wedding! Brewed our own beer, walked in the Pride Parade in Stockholm. I also met and spoke with my music talent inspiration, Helen Sjöholm!

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I said I would make some for 2015 but keep them to myself, but decided not to do any. I’ve decided I don’t like resolutions. I don’t wanna get disappointed in myself for not reaching them. However, I will think through some wishes of changes in my life that I will work on during 2016.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, quite a few friends ♥.

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Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.

What countries did you visit?
I moved from the States to Sweden, but haven’t been in any other countries this year. My wife is applying for Swedish Citizenship, and had her passport sent in to the Immigration Office. We have it back now, even if the process is not done due to the situation in the world right now, with a lot of refugees. So that’s the reason we didn’t travel abroad any. Also, because of my sickness and the lack of money due to saving for an apartment here in Uppsala.

What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?
Better health, an apartment that we own here in Uppsala (or at least being way closer to buying one). I would like to travel some more too.

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What days from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Started the year with a trip to Washington DC with Liz and my parents who were in the States during the holidays. I showed them where I used to live back in 2003 and other places there. When we moved back to Sweden, and when we got the apartment we’re living in right now. It’s SO HARD to find a place here in this town! My brother’s wedding day! And when I was in Stockholm at the I Love Musical concert! It was MAGIC! Oh, also when Liz’s brother came to Sweden, the Pride Parade in Stockholm, and the summer days we spent exploring little gems at Söder in Stockholm.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
To start treatment and work towards getting more healthy.

Axis Walnut Longboard from Arbor Collective

What was the best thing(s) you bought?
Our couch and my longboard!

What was your biggest failure?
That the sickness took over my life again. Passing out in Stockholm. Not. Fun.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, Anorexia nervosa.

Liz and I

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine and Liz’s.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Not as much to make me depressed..but I’m not gonna mention it here. Too private. 

Where did most of your money go?
Shipping over by air, our stuff from the States. Flight tickets to Sweden and then just regular life. Probably our couch too.

Atlantic Beach

What are you really, really, really excited about?
To go to the States next summer!

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Been in contact with friends more. Sadly, I haven’t had energy to pretty much do anything. More video blogs and blog posts.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying and feeling anxious about stuff. Feeling stressed out about not working.

Marshall Headphone Love.

What song will always remind you of 2015?
» Laleh’s En Stund På Jorden & Vårens Första Dag
» Ola Salo’s version of Greetings From Space
»
Alessia Cara’s Here
» 
Motopony’s 1971
»
Anna Ternheim’s Little Lies
»
Håkan Hellström’s Fri Till Slut & Du Är Snart Där
» Emily Jane White’s Hole In the Middle
»
Avicii’s version of Feeling Good

Christmas

How did you be spend Christmas?
Celebrated it in Sweden, which I haven’t done for three years in a row! Went to my hometown where my parents live. Started Christmas Eve morning with breakfast, Christmas music, a fire in the fireplace, hung out at home and watched the annual Christmas Calendar Show on TV (last episode since it was Christmas now). Loved that show. Then headed to my sister’s place where all the kids were as well. For once, we were all gathered! We will do the every other year from now on and my whole family has timed this now. YES!

What was your favorite month of 2015?
Have no idea to be honest. It’s been a pretty tough year. But perhaps July.

Summer

Pride

Did you fall in love in 2015?
Even more with Liz, my wife since six years ♥.

What was your favorite TV program?
Nyhetsmorgon probably. Start pretty much everyday by watching that.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t do the hating.

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What was the best book you read?
Haven’t had the concentration span to read that many books, but I read one – Seriously…I’m kidding by Ellen DeGeneres. I am gonna start one that I’m really excited about though so I’ll probably blog about it later.

What was the best serie(s) you watched?
The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead, House of Cards, The Fosters, Homeland, Jessica Jones, The Killing, and some more. It’s been a year with a lot of TV-series! But it has its reasons.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Laleh! I know, I’m late with some artists…but I get so stuck once I find something so I miss the new ones…

DW watch

What did you want and get?
A new watch!

What did you want and not get?
Some trips.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Hmmm. Can’t think of any as of right now.

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What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31! Liz woke me up in the morning with the birthday song, breakfast in bed, and presents! I worked and in the evening, Liz surprised me with dinner out at a tapas restaurant where she also had invited my brother, his wife, my cousin, her boyfriend, and my extra brother/close friend. It was so cozy!

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To not get sick..

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
Black pants, oversized sweaters/t-shirts, and sneakers.

Zola, the Cat.

What kept you sane?
Liz and the amazing girls at the treatment, along with the professionals there at the hospital. Also doing puzzles, petting Zola, coloring, and listening to podcasts.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Helen Sjöholm!

What political issue stirred you the most?
How Sweden and some Swedish people are facing the refugees coming to Sweden. SD (Swedish Democrats a.k.a racist party) who’s part of the Swedish Government. SCARY and ok (now I’m gonna hate some..), I hate it. IS. Donald Trump…

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Who did you miss?
Friends and family…♥

Who was the best new person (people) you met?
My co-workers, other new friends here in Uppsala, the girls at treatment, the professionals there, and again; Helen Sjöholm.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015
Don’t waste your energy on some people who you’ll never get energy from (the same as last year..hehe) and to get healthy and free will take its time and that’s what I’m gonna let it take. Because, I’m gonna get healthy and free from this shit.

Helen Sjöholm

Earlier year summaries
2014
2013
2011

Merry Christmas

December 24, 2015

Merry Christmas

Liz and I are at my parents’ place, celebrating the Swedish way on Christmas Eve and will celebrate the American way once we’re back in Uppsala. Hope you’re having a great time ♥

Almost a month

December 21, 2015

Me

Crazy. It’s been a while since I last posted something here on the blog. Oh, well. My life has been pretty intense, but not, at the same time. To be honest, it’s been pretty tough lately, but I keep fighting, trying to follow what the professionals and Liz are telling me to do. However, there are some struggles that are really hard right now, and it’s not really helping that day treatment is closed for about two weeks!! I understand the professionals need some time off too when the holiday is kicking in, but this is also a really tough period when having an eating disorder…

Friday was the last day for some of the girls at treatment as well, so it was really sad to say goodbye to them, and also to say goodbye to the girls who I’ll not see on a daily basis for a few weeks, like the past months. You get so used to the everyday schedule at the hospital with amazing people around you, and then suddenly, you don’t have them around you. I miss my heroes. Because that’s what they are, the other girls (well the professionals too), but gaaaah, I feel so much for the other patients. Ok, enough with that talk..I’m getting really emotional now.

Liz and I had some cozy time here at home with my brother, his wife, my cousin, her boyfriend, and my extra big brother (my real brother’s best friend). We drank Glögg (mulled wine which is a major Swedish holiday drink), ate some snacks, chatted, and played a quiz that Liz and I had put together earlier in the day. So much fun! We filmed some during the day so lets check it out instead of me trying to describe it.

Here we go! (for better quality, check out the video directly on my channel on Vimeo → here)

Weekend challenges, Sunday morning, and exciting stuff

November 22, 2015

Me

Hi my amazing readers – this little kiss above is for you! ♥

You know what?! I DID IT! My challenge yesterday as I wrote a little bit about here. Liz and I went downtown after lunch and did some errands and then headed to a cafe. I didn’t want to write about it in detail beforehand for some reason, but now, when I’ve done it, I will. The challenge was for me to drink a latte or something (read: not plain coffee at a cafe), and I did! It was something I’d planned with my therapist and nutritionist to do just in order to be more flexible when being out and about so I don’t feel like I have to run home at the exact time for my snack, but can have it wherever I am. Just to be clear, a latte is actually not completely enough as a snack for me at the moment, and the next step is to eat something with it, but you have to do this step by step, and this was the first one. Yes. I even enjoyed it a little bit!

So it’s Sunday morning. Pretty early and we’ve been up for a while. I have a weird sleep schedule nowadays which I’m not a huge fan of…but oh, well. As of right now, though, I am enjoying sitting here, blogging with candles lit, coffee beside me, and a cozy cat in my lap.

We have some exciting plans this afternoon, but once again, I’ll leave it as a little cliff hanger since I don’t really know what the outcome will be, and therefore, is better to tell you all afterwords. Hehe, pretty mean perhaps..I do really wanna write about it..but at the same time it feels a bit weird doing it before I know more stuff..so to be continued.

Love to you all!

A chilly Saturday

November 21, 2015

Morning coffee

Good morning!

This is how I started off this chilly Saturday – a yummy cup of coffee. It’s beautiful out today so Liz and I might go out a little bit later on – most likely downtown. I’m not really allowed to walk around a lot, but to go downtown, for a challenge, is ok. But we’ll see. It’s the plan, but it also has to feel ok so it won’t turn in to a “fall back” or that I compensate it in any way.

However, the morning has been cozy, and I’m about to get into the new puzzle I bought and started the other day. We’re also gonna inventory our Christmas box in the basement that we brought with us when we moved from the States to see what we need (read: we most likely need Swedish electric chords for our stars that we’re gonna hang in our windows next weekend).

In this household, it’s really important to celebrate Thanksgiving before any Christmas stuff hangs up or anything is being decorated in the apartment. I actually really like that tradition and I also grew up with pretty much no decoration before First of Advent. The same goes with Christmas music. Nothing is being played until the end of next week (Thanksgiving is next Thursday, but we’re gonna celebrate it next Friday since it’s not a holiday here, and the family we’ve invited to Thanksgiving dinner work Thursday and Friday). So in a week from now, Liz and I will be in full force decorating our home. Fun and exciting. I’ll probably do another post about the decoration theme we’ve decided to go with this year. Yes, we’re that into this, with a Christmas-based decorating theme. A hint though is that this year will be minimalistic, clean, Nordic, and white. Love it!

Ok, time to move on with the puzzle and then after lunch, head out for some challenges. Hope you’re having a good Saturday! ♥

A get to know me list

November 17, 2015

Me at Söder

Good times at Söder in Stockholm this past summer.

 

Found this list weeks ago on a girl’s blog, answered the questions, drafted the post, and totally forgot about it until today. So here we go, a get-to-know-me list!

1. How old are you?
31.

2. How old do you feel?
Hmm. Like 25 perhaps? Not really a reason why 25.

3. Where do you live?
In Uppsala, Sweden.

4. What have you done today?
Been to day treatment, got off there at 1pm, walked downtown and met up with Liz, did some shopping/errands (bought some new really cool pants which I might show you another day – so hard to take pictures now when it’s so dark), got home and ate a snack, listened to music, and am doing some blogging right now – answering these questions.

5. Summer, fall, winer, or spring? What do you prefer and why?
All of them in not too long periods and specific months. Spring: around late May. Fall: Late September/October if the weather is sunny. Winter: December with snow on the ground but also the holidays. Summer: July when it’s hopefully warm and nice out.

6. Are you addicted to something/do you depend on anything?
Liz. Internet. Music.

7. Mention three things people might not know about you:
1. I’ve been extra in a Swedish TV-series.

2. I dislike the left side of my face and never want it to be shown. Read: never want it to be exposed in any way. It determines where and how I sit and stand e v e r y w h e r e. True story and something I need to really work on, which I will.

3. I used to be (or am) a singer and have sung (and played) for several weddings, name ceremonies, funerals, and concerts. In fact, three years ago, as of today, I performed, together with a band, in Old Town Stockholm at an old wine cellar from the 1500s (I believe it was the 1500s). I haven’t performed in a long time now.

8. Where in the world would you like to be right now?
USA or Japan (Tokyo)

9. What mood are you in at the moment?
Angry, upset, and anxious.

10. What’s your favorite candy?
Popcorn and chocolate.

11. What are you favorite store(s)?
Weekday, Gap, Carlings, and Monki.

12. Are you a morning or evening person?
I used to be an evening person, but nowadays, more of a morning person. But I think it’s because of how I’m doing right now in life.

13. Have you had any stitches before?
Yes, a few times, different places (my leg, lip, and inside my mouth)

14. Who, lately, did some extra special for you?
Liz, but also an old friend of mine who sent an amazing letter to me with sweet words, thoughts, and such a fun memory shared in a fantastic way. It truly touched my heart <3

15. Are you shy?
No, not so much, but I used to be.

16. Do you have any middle names, if so, what name(s)?
Yes, Maria and Viktoria. So my full name is; Lina Maria Viktoria Eriksson.

17. Would you like to get married?
I’m already married, since 2009 and don’t plan to get married ever again!

18. Do you have any nicknames?
Yes, Lollie, Lollienonna, Blinis, Lina-fina.

A little update

November 9, 2015

Haven’t written here in a while because, to be honest, I feel like I have nothing to come with. My days are so freaking uninteresting where I’m just moving myself between the hospital and home basically.

Well, I lied a tiny bit there, because I have done a few things lately. Halloween took place a little bit more than a week ago, where Liz and I hosted a party (planned way ahead before I knew what my life would look like right now). I was pretty nervous about hosting the party, because I’m not feeling that great at all, and it’s hard for people (no offense) to understand what an eating disorder is like, and especially how my life is, or more my non-existing life is, in dealing with this sickness. But it went ok. I had fun, and my American little sister, as I wrote about in my last post, was here, which was such a blast.

Other than that, it’s been close to hell, if there’s one, off and on. I’ve been pretty sick other times in life, but this, as I’ve said sometime before, is one of the hardest times in some ways. Just because this has to be the last round of relapse. I can’t, my body can’t, and Lina doesn’t want to deal with this anymore. But it’s not just to stop the sickness. This is something I have to work hard on. And it takes a long time. It has to take a long time now. Probably several months more…

Liz was out of town this past weekend for her second weekend of her life coach training class. I had some plans, that didn’t quite work out do due to various reasons and when I had back up plans, they didn’t work out as well, which led to a pretty crappy weekend where the eating disorder completely took over. I do have to highlight some great support I received in comments on Facebook, private messages, chats, and texts though. That meant so much to me so a huge thank you for all that support ♥.

I do want to describe something for ya’ though. When I’m having a tough period/day/weekend, it’s hard. I might be sad and disappointed in myself for not doing what I’m supposed to do, while the Anorexia side of me is cheering like crazy. But it’s not like I’m having a really bad day and the next day is good. Right now in my life, all days are sadly pretty bad. Sounds depressing and it is. But it’s true. Every day is hard. I wake up, have to face my body (which I hate), have to see how I look (which I hate), walk to the hospital where I have to face my biggest phobia (to eat or to gain weight among some other things), and deal with anxiety before, during, and after every meal. Once the anxiety has calmed down a tiny bit, it’s time for the next meal, and so it goes on every day. The more I work on facing my phobia, the more it should lessen, but as of right now, I’m in a phase where it’s not getting easier at all. Well, I eat more than I used to so that’s, in the healthy way of thinking, a step, but the Anorexia part is always screaming and making an entrance when I’m going against that side. And since that’s what I’m doing right now by eating several meals a day at the day treatment and at home, the screaming is worse. If I don’t eat, it’s calmer…you see my point? So no matter what I do, it’s hell. So if I have a tough day with a lot of anxiety and then come back to the clinic, it doesn’t mean that it’s better, rather harder and worse in a sense. It’s hard to describe…but I really wanna try just to give you readers a little chance to get a better understanding of my situation.

And to just add some extra stuff in my life right now, it might get slightly worse for a few weeks ahead due to some additional changes in my life (related to the eating disorder). So I feel like I’m changing gear, in a different way, but again pretty soon, which I hope will lead to the better side soon. But I just have to walk through the really tough parts first.

I found this on my Pinterest board that Liz had pinned, and wanted to share it with you too, because that’s how I’m trying to think right now and perhaps it will speak to you too?

quote

Sorry for a rather depressing post, but I can’t really present anything better as of right now. Thanks for keeping coming back here and leaving comments as well (been bad responding to them, but will in the next few days).

Love to you all ♥

Dream or goal life and American little sister

October 29, 2015

Homework stuff.

We have some group treatment at the day treatment as well, and not only individual sessions. Today, we got this homework of creating or rather splitting up the circle on the piece of paper above, into different pieces such as family, interests, health, work etc. How we want our life to look, as opposed to how it is now, where the eating disorder is now taking such a huge part of this circle. So this is what I’m working on this afternoon, while my amazing wife is doing laundry, cooking dinner, and earlier cleaned the apartment. Isn’t she amazing or what?! I’m one lucky girl.

Other than this, it’s been a pretty tough week with new challenges since I’ve eaten a bigger snack in the evening and now cooked food for dinner since Monday. Thursdays are always hard also due to the weigh-ins. But, it’s time to face my big fears, work on them, and then continue working on other things in life so the eating disorder won’t come back again.

On to something more positive and fun that’s happening very soon! My American little sister is heading our way, arriving tonight in Uppsala. I’m so excited to see her!! She’s from Minnesota, USA, but has been living in China for some years, and is now studying in Berlin! Our families have been friends since the 80’s, and she and her sister (at different times) have been exchange students in Sweden, living with my parents. My actual sister has been an au pair in their family in the States, their parents have lived and worked in Sweden, I’ve celebrated Christmas and New Years with them, and then they’ve been back to Sweden a few times visiting and so on. I see her as my extra sister, along with her older sister as well. Yep, that’s a short summary of why I have an American “little sister” (or actually two). <3

Ok, time to get into the homework…

Sunday morning

October 25, 2015

Candles.

Candles.

Good morning! It’s right after 8am here and Sweden has changed to winter time so the time difference between the States (East Coast) and Sweden are only 5 hours now for one week, until the States changes time. I haven’t really felt the change that much, but probably will later on today when it’ll get darker earlier.

I’m sitting here on the couch in our living room, it’s pretty gray outside so I decided to light some candles for extra coziness, while I’m sipping my cup of coffee. We spent all Saturday at home and I organized papers, rested, and we also started watching a, for us, new TV series, Homeland. I like it so far. Today’s plans were first to perhaps go and check out the dream apartment since it’s a showing today, but we really can’t buy it now, so it’ll probably just be tough to see it in real life. So we’re skipping it. But we’re heading downtown after lunch to do a few errands (I might get another reward based on my reward system!) and to also get out a little bit. Other than that, we’re just gonna be home, probably watch some more Homeland/TV, and I’m gonna mentally prepare myself as much as possible for the upcoming week.

When you’re in treatment for an eating disorder, you eat from a really specific food schedule – based on times, amounts, and it’s all planned out exactly what you’re gonna eat. It’s also pretty common to not eat 100% in the beginning. For example, when I started day treatment, I only ate half of a full portion of the lunch there. It’s because you need to mentally get used to eating again and physically, your body needs to get used to the amount of foods, so you have to take it easy. I’ve been at 100% on my food schedule at day treatment for a little while now, but not at home (as the plan has been).

But it’s time to change gears now, and I have already begun by eating a bigger snack in the evening. However, starting Monday, I’m gonna eat cooked food for dinner (have had yogurt and müsli before)…so it’s a pretty big change which is really hard for me..or the eating disorder. Mind and body are not connected, and the eating disorder is screaming not to eat, while Lina knows that this is the healthy way to go, so every single meal is a huge battle that no one else, who hasn’t had an eating disorder, can really understand. But I’m trying to share a few things here, so hopefully you readers, will get an insight as to what it is like.

Speaking of food, I believe it’s time to prepare breakfast now…