Weekend challenges, Sunday morning, and exciting stuff

November 22, 2015


Hi my amazing readers – this little kiss above is for you! ♥

You know what?! I DID IT! My challenge yesterday as I wrote a little bit about here. Liz and I went downtown after lunch and did some errands and then headed to a cafe. I didn’t want to write about it in detail beforehand for some reason, but now, when I’ve done it, I will. The challenge was for me to drink a latte or something (read: not plain coffee at a cafe), and I did! It was something I’d planned with my therapist and nutritionist to do just in order to be more flexible when being out and about so I don’t feel like I have to run home at the exact time for my snack, but can have it wherever I am. Just to be clear, a latte is actually not completely enough as a snack for me at the moment, and the next step is to eat something with it, but you have to do this step by step, and this was the first one. Yes. I even enjoyed it a little bit!

So it’s Sunday morning. Pretty early and we’ve been up for a while. I have a weird sleep schedule nowadays which I’m not a huge fan of…but oh, well. As of right now, though, I am enjoying sitting here, blogging with candles lit, coffee beside me, and a cozy cat in my lap.

We have some exciting plans this afternoon, but once again, I’ll leave it as a little cliff hanger since I don’t really know what the outcome will be, and therefore, is better to tell you all afterwords. Hehe, pretty mean perhaps..I do really wanna write about it..but at the same time it feels a bit weird doing it before I know more stuff..so to be continued.

Love to you all!

A chilly Saturday

November 21, 2015

Morning coffee

Good morning!

This is how I started off this chilly Saturday – a yummy cup of coffee. It’s beautiful out today so Liz and I might go out a little bit later on – most likely downtown. I’m not really allowed to walk around a lot, but to go downtown, for a challenge, is ok. But we’ll see. It’s the plan, but it also has to feel ok so it won’t turn in to a “fall back” or that I compensate it in any way.

However, the morning has been cozy, and I’m about to get into the new puzzle I bought and started the other day. We’re also gonna inventory our Christmas box in the basement that we brought with us when we moved from the States to see what we need (read: we most likely need Swedish electric chords for our stars that we’re gonna hang in our windows next weekend).

In this household, it’s really important to celebrate Thanksgiving before any Christmas stuff hangs up or anything is being decorated in the apartment. I actually really like that tradition and I also grew up with pretty much no decoration before First of Advent. The same goes with Christmas music. Nothing is being played until the end of next week (Thanksgiving is next Thursday, but we’re gonna celebrate it next Friday since it’s not a holiday here, and the family we’ve invited to Thanksgiving dinner work Thursday and Friday). So in a week from now, Liz and I will be in full force decorating our home. Fun and exciting. I’ll probably do another post about the decoration theme we’ve decided to go with this year. Yes, we’re that into this, with a Christmas-based decorating theme. A hint though is that this year will be minimalistic, clean, Nordic, and white. Love it!

Ok, time to move on with the puzzle and then after lunch, head out for some challenges. Hope you’re having a good Saturday! ♥

A get to know me list

November 17, 2015

Me at Söder

Good times at Söder in Stockholm this past summer.


Found this list weeks ago on a girl’s blog, answered the questions, drafted the post, and totally forgot about it until today. So here we go, a get-to-know-me list!

1. How old are you?

2. How old do you feel?
Hmm. Like 25 perhaps? Not really a reason why 25.

3. Where do you live?
In Uppsala, Sweden.

4. What have you done today?
Been to day treatment, got off there at 1pm, walked downtown and met up with Liz, did some shopping/errands (bought some new really cool pants which I might show you another day – so hard to take pictures now when it’s so dark), got home and ate a snack, listened to music, and am doing some blogging right now – answering these questions.

5. Summer, fall, winer, or spring? What do you prefer and why?
All of them in not too long periods and specific months. Spring: around late May. Fall: Late September/October if the weather is sunny. Winter: December with snow on the ground but also the holidays. Summer: July when it’s hopefully warm and nice out.

6. Are you addicted to something/do you depend on anything?
Liz. Internet. Music.

7. Mention three things people might not know about you:
1. I’ve been extra in a Swedish TV-series.

2. I dislike the left side of my face and never want it to be shown. Read: never want it to be exposed in any way. It determines where and how I sit and stand e v e r y w h e r e. True story and something I need to really work on, which I will.

3. I used to be (or am) a singer and have sung (and played) for several weddings, name ceremonies, funerals, and concerts. In fact, three years ago, as of today, I performed, together with a band, in Old Town Stockholm at an old wine cellar from the 1500s (I believe it was the 1500s). I haven’t performed in a long time now.

8. Where in the world would you like to be right now?
USA or Japan (Tokyo)

9. What mood are you in at the moment?
Angry, upset, and anxious.

10. What’s your favorite candy?
Popcorn and chocolate.

11. What are you favorite store(s)?
Weekday, Gap, Carlings, and Monki.

12. Are you a morning or evening person?
I used to be an evening person, but nowadays, more of a morning person. But I think it’s because of how I’m doing right now in life.

13. Have you had any stitches before?
Yes, a few times, different places (my leg, lip, and inside my mouth)

14. Who, lately, did some extra special for you?
Liz, but also an old friend of mine who sent an amazing letter to me with sweet words, thoughts, and such a fun memory shared in a fantastic way. It truly touched my heart <3

15. Are you shy?
No, not so much, but I used to be.

16. Do you have any middle names, if so, what name(s)?
Yes, Maria and Viktoria. So my full name is; Lina Maria Viktoria Eriksson.

17. Would you like to get married?
I’m already married, since 2009 and don’t plan to get married ever again!

18. Do you have any nicknames?
Yes, Lollie, Lollienonna, Blinis, Lina-fina.

A little update

November 9, 2015

Haven’t written here in a while because, to be honest, I feel like I have nothing to come with. My days are so freaking uninteresting where I’m just moving myself between the hospital and home basically.

Well, I lied a tiny bit there, because I have done a few things lately. Halloween took place a little bit more than a week ago, where Liz and I hosted a party (planned way ahead before I knew what my life would look like right now). I was pretty nervous about hosting the party, because I’m not feeling that great at all, and it’s hard for people (no offense) to understand what an eating disorder is like, and especially how my life is, or more my non-existing life is, in dealing with this sickness. But it went ok. I had fun, and my American little sister, as I wrote about in my last post, was here, which was such a blast.

Other than that, it’s been close to hell, if there’s one, off and on. I’ve been pretty sick other times in life, but this, as I’ve said sometime before, is one of the hardest times in some ways. Just because this has to be the last round of relapse. I can’t, my body can’t, and Lina doesn’t want to deal with this anymore. But it’s not just to stop the sickness. This is something I have to work hard on. And it takes a long time. It has to take a long time now. Probably several months more…

Liz was out of town this past weekend for her second weekend of her life coach training class. I had some plans, that didn’t quite work out do due to various reasons and when I had back up plans, they didn’t work out as well, which led to a pretty crappy weekend where the eating disorder completely took over. I do have to highlight some great support I received in comments on Facebook, private messages, chats, and texts though. That meant so much to me so a huge thank you for all that support ♥.

I do want to describe something for ya’ though. When I’m having a tough period/day/weekend, it’s hard. I might be sad and disappointed in myself for not doing what I’m supposed to do, while the Anorexia side of me is cheering like crazy. But it’s not like I’m having a really bad day and the next day is good. Right now in my life, all days are sadly pretty bad. Sounds depressing and it is. But it’s true. Every day is hard. I wake up, have to face my body (which I hate), have to see how I look (which I hate), walk to the hospital where I have to face my biggest phobia (to eat or to gain weight among some other things), and deal with anxiety before, during, and after every meal. Once the anxiety has calmed down a tiny bit, it’s time for the next meal, and so it goes on every day. The more I work on facing my phobia, the more it should lessen, but as of right now, I’m in a phase where it’s not getting easier at all. Well, I eat more than I used to so that’s, in the healthy way of thinking, a step, but the Anorexia part is always screaming and making an entrance when I’m going against that side. And since that’s what I’m doing right now by eating several meals a day at the day treatment and at home, the screaming is worse. If I don’t eat, it’s calmer…you see my point? So no matter what I do, it’s hell. So if I have a tough day with a lot of anxiety and then come back to the clinic, it doesn’t mean that it’s better, rather harder and worse in a sense. It’s hard to describe…but I really wanna try just to give you readers a little chance to get a better understanding of my situation.

And to just add some extra stuff in my life right now, it might get slightly worse for a few weeks ahead due to some additional changes in my life (related to the eating disorder). So I feel like I’m changing gear, in a different way, but again pretty soon, which I hope will lead to the better side soon. But I just have to walk through the really tough parts first.

I found this on my Pinterest board that Liz had pinned, and wanted to share it with you too, because that’s how I’m trying to think right now and perhaps it will speak to you too?


Sorry for a rather depressing post, but I can’t really present anything better as of right now. Thanks for keeping coming back here and leaving comments as well (been bad responding to them, but will in the next few days).

Love to you all ♥

Dream or goal life and American little sister

October 29, 2015

Homework stuff.

We have some group treatment at the day treatment as well, and not only individual sessions. Today, we got this homework of creating or rather splitting up the circle on the piece of paper above, into different pieces such as family, interests, health, work etc. How we want our life to look, as opposed to how it is now, where the eating disorder is now taking such a huge part of this circle. So this is what I’m working on this afternoon, while my amazing wife is doing laundry, cooking dinner, and earlier cleaned the apartment. Isn’t she amazing or what?! I’m one lucky girl.

Other than this, it’s been a pretty tough week with new challenges since I’ve eaten a bigger snack in the evening and now cooked food for dinner since Monday. Thursdays are always hard also due to the weigh-ins. But, it’s time to face my big fears, work on them, and then continue working on other things in life so the eating disorder won’t come back again.

On to something more positive and fun that’s happening very soon! My American little sister is heading our way, arriving tonight in Uppsala. I’m so excited to see her!! She’s from Minnesota, USA, but has been living in China for some years, and is now studying in Berlin! Our families have been friends since the 80’s, and she and her sister (at different times) have been exchange students in Sweden, living with my parents. My actual sister has been an au pair in their family in the States, their parents have lived and worked in Sweden, I’ve celebrated Christmas and New Years with them, and then they’ve been back to Sweden a few times visiting and so on. I see her as my extra sister, along with her older sister as well. Yep, that’s a short summary of why I have an American “little sister” (or actually two). <3

Ok, time to get into the homework…

Sunday morning

October 25, 2015



Good morning! It’s right after 8am here and Sweden has changed to winter time so the time difference between the States (East Coast) and Sweden are only 5 hours now for one week, until the States changes time. I haven’t really felt the change that much, but probably will later on today when it’ll get darker earlier.

I’m sitting here on the couch in our living room, it’s pretty gray outside so I decided to light some candles for extra coziness, while I’m sipping my cup of coffee. We spent all Saturday at home and I organized papers, rested, and we also started watching a, for us, new TV series, Homeland. I like it so far. Today’s plans were first to perhaps go and check out the dream apartment since it’s a showing today, but we really can’t buy it now, so it’ll probably just be tough to see it in real life. So we’re skipping it. But we’re heading downtown after lunch to do a few errands (I might get another reward based on my reward system!) and to also get out a little bit. Other than that, we’re just gonna be home, probably watch some more Homeland/TV, and I’m gonna mentally prepare myself as much as possible for the upcoming week.

When you’re in treatment for an eating disorder, you eat from a really specific food schedule – based on times, amounts, and it’s all planned out exactly what you’re gonna eat. It’s also pretty common to not eat 100% in the beginning. For example, when I started day treatment, I only ate half of a full portion of the lunch there. It’s because you need to mentally get used to eating again and physically, your body needs to get used to the amount of foods, so you have to take it easy. I’ve been at 100% on my food schedule at day treatment for a little while now, but not at home (as the plan has been).

But it’s time to change gears now, and I have already begun by eating a bigger snack in the evening. However, starting Monday, I’m gonna eat cooked food for dinner (have had yogurt and müsli before)…so it’s a pretty big change which is really hard for me..or the eating disorder. Mind and body are not connected, and the eating disorder is screaming not to eat, while Lina knows that this is the healthy way to go, so every single meal is a huge battle that no one else, who hasn’t had an eating disorder, can really understand. But I’m trying to share a few things here, so hopefully you readers, will get an insight as to what it is like.

Speaking of food, I believe it’s time to prepare breakfast now…

5 to 1

October 23, 2015


Found this list below on another girl’s blog and thought, why not fill in the list as well? So here I go.

5 things I think about a lot
• Where we’re gonna live once we can’t live where we are now.
• The holidays that are coming up (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas).
• Our upcoming trips (nothing specifically planned, but we wanna go to Paris, Dublin, Berlin, and the States – hopefully all of them or a couple of them, during 2016).
• My treatment right now and all that comes with that – changes in my life that I have to do and that I work on every single day right now. It’s tough. I’ve gone through many different treatments in my life, but I believe this is gonna be the hardest, because this will be (has to be) the last time, therefore, the fight will be harder than ever.
• Friends and family I haven’t been in contact with in a long time…

4 things that smell wonderful
Clothes that still smell- like the States and the laundry detergent there. I find clothes every now and then that I haven’t used since we lived in the States…and it smells like home. Our American home, which I miss so much. 
The lilies we have in the kitchen.
Fresh brewed coffee in the morning.
The perfume Rain by Clean.

3 things I want to improve in my life/get better at
Face my fears.
Be social again. Sorry friends for not contacting you right now…
Live in the moment and be satisfied with the present time.

2 things I miss in my closet
Does a watch count? If so, a Daniel Wellington Classic Sheffield Lady watch.
A soft, thin, gray, long sleeve sweater made of cashmere. Like this one.

1 thing I want to do before 2015 is over
Eat out at a restaurant and enjoy it without feeling anxious before, during, and afterwards.

A dream apartment

October 22, 2015

As of right now, Liz and I are subletting an apartment in Uppsala, in an awesome location, with lots of character (wooden floors, high ceilings, etc.). However, we know we can’t rent this apartment forever. The living situation in Uppsala is horrible with really expensive prices when it comes to buying apartment (which is a normal thing to do in Sweden – basically you can either rent/sublet a house or an apartment, buy a house, or buy an apartment.

Since we’ve decided that Uppsala is gonna be our home base, where we eventually want to own our own place, and then later on also have a place in the States as well where we can go every now and then to, I’m checking the Internet and apartment market pretty much every day. I check it for various reasons: it’s fun, I want to learn what the market looks like, and I want to be as prepared as possible when it’s our time to purchase a home. When you do this research on a regular basis, you also come across some amazing places where you could pretty much move in right away because you love it SO MUCH! That has happened now. This apartment has many of the things I really love. Of course, there are also things I wish it had, which it doesn’t, but it’s pretty rare you find THE one, with everything you want all in one place. However, I thought I would share this dream apartment of mine that’s for sale right now here in Uppsala, and a place I so dream about owning. Gaaaaaah, if I only had some more money right now. First some explanation about the stuff I like.

This apartment is located downtown Uppsala, on one of our favorite streets full of cafe’s, restaurants, independent stores, pubs, and our favorite pub really just around the corner. It takes about 2 min to walk to the main shopping street and about 1 min to get to the beautiful river. It’s a dream location pretty much, according to us.

Since our goal is to have a second home in the States eventually, we really don’t need a big space. This is a one bedroom apartment (2 room as we say in Sweden), and is a little bit more than 470ft² (44 m²).

I really loved the open floorplan in the apartment we had in the States, where kitchen/dining room, and the living room, were all combined. And this one has the same. It’s perfect for socializing when someone is cooking food, and the other one or guests are hanging out comfortably in the living room area.

The building
I either love older apartments with plenty of character or modern, new-built apartments. This is a combination since the building is from 1810-1906 (it was probably built in different stages and additional parts of the building was added due to the huge span of about 100 years!), but modern inside, with still some character when it comes to the windows for example. I love that you go through a gate of the building on the street, walk across a backyard/courtyard, and have your own entrance to the apartment. It gives you a house-owning feeling, but it’s an apartment. Think: pumpkins on the doorsteps and a Christmas wreath on the door, and other holiday-related decorations that you can actually do even though you’re living in an apartment downtown!

The apartment is like a blank white canvas where you have the chance to put your own touch when it comes to decoration and interior design. I want my place to look clean, but yet have a personal touch with textiles, and decorative things based on our two cultures – the American and Swedish culture. The windows, again, are f a n t a s t i c!!!

Ok, so there are a few things I do wish this apartment had. First of all, a balcony! However, it’s only a two floor story building, where you can always hang out in the common backyard areas – grill out and sit at a bigger table etc. If you live in a house, you have to step out of a door, down to the grassy areas anyway. I also wish it had a walk-in closet because I really would like to be able to see and have all my clothes available all year around and not have to pack them away due to season. But as long as I have some more space than I have now, I’m fine. Dressers could be a good solution. In my dream world, it would also be amazing if it actually was a two bedroom apartment instead of one bedroom, so we could have a separate office/guest bedroom. But, again, we don’t want a big apartment anyway.

Here we go with the pictures.















Love this apartment so much and I will probably cry a bit the day I see it’s sold to someone else…

Sometimes, there’s nothing else to do than to simply breathe.

October 20, 2015

She saw and felt that all I needed was to breathe in the crisp fall air and soak up the sunny weather. To just be able to leave everything for a bit. She led me to the stairs, gave me a warm hug, and said we’d talk more on Monday morning. Sometimes, there’s nothing else to do than to simply breathe and just be. To let stuff pass and hopefully experience better times, and then better times again, and then even better later on. Today, I’m extra thankful for some people that are in my life right now. ♥ – From my Instagram account last Friday.

Friday was pretty hard, as it feels like I’m writing about every day and every week here…but that’s how it is right now, so I’m just being honest. It was so bad, so all I needed was to get out of the situation, place myself somewhere else, preferably outside in the fresh air since it was hard to breathe, and just soak up the sun, and the beauty of the outside. Life. I left the building, went to the city park here in town, and just looked around me at all the beauty, tried to refocus, and waited on Liz to come and meet up with me. What a better way to focus on the moment right there where I was than by taking pictures. So I did.

Fall in the park

Fall in the park

Fall in the park

Fall in the park


Fall in the park


Home made tea

October 19, 2015


Ginger/Honey/Lemon tea.

Two of our friends in Asheville, NC (USA) took Liz and I to an Asian restaurant once. I really enjoyed the food there, but what really caught me was a tea they ordered, and when I tasted it, I just had to order it myself as well. I really like drinking coffee, but like the idea of drinking tea during cozy, dark and cold fall evenings. You get the picture. Hehe. Liz did a little bit of research and found a recipe and made the tea yesterday for my afternoon snack! The result? Delicious! So I’m asking Liz now to describe how she made it, here below so you can, hopefully, enjoy it as well!

Hey guys, Liz here! Here’s my simple recipe for Honey Ginger Lemon Tea:


fresh ginger root, lemon, honey, water

What to do:

Fill a pot with one cup of water (1-2 deciliters). Cut off about a 1 inch piece of ginger root. Grate the ginger using a little grater over the pot of water (just to make sure the ginger falls into the water). Pour a second cup of water (1-2 dl) over the grater to get the rest of the ginger off and into the pot. Cut the lemon in half and squeeze one half of the lemon into the pot of water and ginger. Add honey to taste. Heat up all of the ingredients in the pot to almost boiling.

Strain/filter the tea into mugs or a tea pot. I used a regular coffee filter, but mind you, it takes a while to let the water run through. Honestly, I only filtered it so no ginger pieces ended up in my tea pot. So, you can pretty much just take out what few pieces might be there and then just pour the rest of it into your mugs/tea pot.

Sip and savor! (and add a shot of whiskey if you’re in the mood. Hehe.)