The Summer Bucket List

May 4, 2016

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× Enjoy life, where this f*cking sickness is not deciding everything or anything at all!

× Hang out in parks, drink rosé wine/beer and eat endless amounts of strawberries

× Longboard like a maniac

sgarden

× Spend time in the Swedish archipelago

× Cook out in our backyard

× Play outdoor games

lina-beer

× Drink beer

× Hang out in my hometown

× Road trip to Gothenburg with three other girls and go to the Håkan Hellström’s concert

avl2

× Go to the States and be there for almost a month

× Hang out in Asheville

× Read books and magazines

The Beach <3

× Spend a whole week at the beach with my American family

× Go to Paris

× Be creative

Premiere Day!

May 3, 2016

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YES! Today, I’m gonna longboard for the first time. Well, I’ve longboard a tiny bit before, but inside, so it doesn’t count. A friend of mine is coming over this afternoon and we’re gonna longboard together, which is gonna be fab! I’m stoked as you probably can tell, but it feels like I’ve been waiting on this moment forever. The sun is out, it’s gonna be pretty warm today, and the gravel is gone from the sidewalks and streets! Perfection.

Tip #1: If you would like to follow my little longboard story, check out the category; longboard

Tip #2: You can also check out my little video I made last fall. You find it here and also on my Vimeo account, here.

Hope you’re having a great week!

The What List

May 1, 2016

I’m kind of into lists right now so here comes another one! Hope you’re ok with it..hehe.

Flower power

What are you doing right now?
Sitting at the kitchen table, eating a snack, drinking coffee, and chatting with Liz’s cousin who’s visiting us for some days.

What scares you?
Wars, flying in an airplane, selfish people, and spiders.

What inspires you?
People and places all around the world.

What do you mainly wanna do in five years?
I still wanna work as a graphic designer at the company where I work, but perhaps long distance, out of the office, and be based in NYC for some months.

What makes you cry?
Anxiety, animal cruelty, and death.

What is the last thing you think of before you go to bed?
If I still have any candles lit.

What ingredients do you have to have at home?
Salt, garlic, fresh basil, pasta, coffee, and milk.

What are you reading right now?
Blogs, Uppsala Nya Tidning, Dagens Nyheter, and still Tio lektioner i matlagning by Lotta Lundgren.

What’s nice?
A really warm summer day evening, when friends and family are gathered, we’re cooking out, and sipping white wine in the backyard. Or a day at the beach in the States. Or in the archipelago in Sweden.

Flower power

What do you do when you’re upset?
Cry and/or call my dad.

What’s your most common greeting phrase in texts?
“Hej finis” which means like Hi cutie..

What are you jealous about?
People who seem to be so relaxed about themselves and who believe in themselves to the fullest. That’s cool and makes me jealous.

What do people usually call you?
Lina.

What’s the most important in life?
Love & health – Liz, Zola, my family, and friends.

 What makes a good night out?
Interesting conversations with awesome people, good weather, and yummy drinks.

What’s the cutest that exists?
Liz and Zola.

What did you see last on stage?
Helen Sjöholm, I believe.

What would you like to recommend?
Watch this (subtitles in English!) and think once or twice before you buy your clothes. If it’s really cheap, you might wanna look into where the companies’ clothes are produced what the workers’ rights, and salaries are. Perhaps skip, for example, H&M, Forever 21… or at least cut down on buying stuff there. Deal?

 

List from Flora.

Nike: Wmns son of force

April 20, 2016

I did it. I bought new sneakers today and I’m in love. I know, I know. Pretty materialistic but I had done something really tough and challenging the day before (which I’ll probably will share with you in the next few days here!), so these shoes were a treat for myself.. Liz was busy at work when I texted her for advice/opinions/approval..so I contacted a couple of other good supporters (read: Liz’s cousin who’s a serious fashion girl and a good friend of mine with good style taste, I think). Thank you guys! FYI: Liz totally liked them once she saw my desperate texts. Although, I had already paid for them by then. Hehe. They are Nike, white tennis shoes/sneakers, called Wmns Son of Force and if interested, I bought mine at Stadium, but you can also find them at other places. Google them. Oh, well. Enough talk. Let’s check them out!

Nike Sneakers

Nike Sneakers

Nike Sneakers

Nike Sneakers

Nike Sneakers

Nike Sneakers

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A list

April 17, 2016

Me

 

DO YOU HAVE?
Beer in the fridge
Yes, a couple of bottles.

A pet
Zola, the cat.

A favorite dish
Pasta.

Make up powder on you

Not right now. A rainy Sunday morning at home with zero plans except watching Netflix, catching up with some series.

Any future plans
Get healthy & travel.

Any sickness lately
Depends on what kind of sickness. Haven’t been sick with a cold for a pretty long time (don’t wanna jinx this now though…gaaah), but have an eating disorder..

A gym card
No, can’t work out right now so my therapist canceled my gym card months ago.

Any A’s
Yes, left University of North Carolina at Asheville (UNCA) with all A’s except one B.

An addiction
Nope.

Nail polish
Yes, a dirty turquoise right now.

A friend living in another country
Yes, several.

 

WHO?
Do you dislike
No-one really.

Do you miss most
Friends & family.

Annoys you
Sweden’s system that seems to not put in money to eating disorder treatment.

Do you snuggle with
Zola & Liz.

Cooks
Liz. Haven’t cooked a meal in over a year, I think :/

Washes dishes
The dish washer.

 

WHICH?
Magazine/paper do you read
Dagens Nyheter, Uppsala Nya Tidning, Uppsalatidningen, and Styleby.

Bus do you take the most
13.

Date is your birthday
May 20.

Season
Summer!!

 

WHAT?
Are you doing now
Blogging while listening to Håkan Hellström on Spotify.

Makes you a good person
Had to ask Liz about this..and she said; I see the importance in every person and care about them.

Makes you a bad person
Same thing as above, because then I don’t care about myself.

Do you want work with
Fun design projects as a graphic designer. The best thing is that it will be fulfilled once I start working again (probably part time starting in fall).

Is most fun right now
Watching series with Liz and hanging out with new found friends <3

Are you wearing

Cozy clothes: Jogger Pants (LA Hearts brand) from Pac Sun, a black tank, and a UNCA hoodie.

Kinds of shoes do you have
Dr. Martens, Converse, Vans, Toms, Birkenstock, various sandals, and flip flops.

Is your shoe size
39.

Book are you reading
“Tio lektioner i matlagning” by Lotta Lundgren.

Are you gonna do now
Catch up on some TV-series (such as The Catch, Outlander, Girls, and Orphan Black).

List from Sandra

new in

April 10, 2016

Bought these some days ago and I’m in love! Credit to lensway for fast delivery! (wish I was sponsored, but I’m not..). I think we’re gonna have great sunny days together ♥

A little mix

when days turn out in a different, unexpected way

April 9, 2016

It’s been a pretty ok week with some challenges that have been good, but also have made me tired. However, it’s been totally worth it! But, it has its price and my energy level is pretty low, so Liz and I have decided, with consultation with my therapist, to cancel an event we were invited to today. I hate to cancel stuff, but sometimes, or all the time as of right now, I have to listen to my body and mind, when it’s telling me no. So instead of going to a big wedding party tonight, we’re staying home. I feel so bad about it, but also relieved since I truly don’t have the energy. Plus, we have major things coming up in just a few weeks with the celebrations of last of April here in Uppsala and the best, Liz’s cousin is coming here!! So excited about that!

So today, Liz and I are gonna take it easy, help a friend to do some shopping, watch movies at home, and just be. Exactly what I need.

Zola, our cat, is pretty damn good at taking care of herself, resting when she needs to, finding the sunny spots in life…such an inspiration, and something I should do too.

Hope you’re having a good weekend and try to take care of yourselves in the best possible way, promise me that ♥

A little mix

Querkles

April 5, 2016

I’ve been stuck lately with something called, Querkles. It’s simply a kind of coloring book based on circles you fill in, either in various shades of one color, different colors, or patterns. Each shade, color or pattern has its own number. So easy, and turns out pretty cool, I think. A tip for you who might be tired of regular coloring books. You’ll find it in a regular book store. Just a little Tuesday evening tip.

Querkles

Querkles

Querkles

One day, I will be free

March 27, 2016

Lately.

March 2nd was the last time I posted something here on the blog. That was 25 days ago, and the weeks before that were like having mountain of hell to climb before us. But Liz and I did it. We climbed and have now, not reached the top (because I don’t want to think of life where you reach a top and then it’s done), but are now soaking up a beautiful view, and are enjoying life so much more since we are settled in our amazing apartment!

A lot of things have changed in my life since last time I wrote. I’m signed out from day treatment, after having been at the hospital every weekday for a little bit more than five months. It’s been hard to get used to being home more and to stand on my own feet. Luckily and thankfully, I have an amazing wife who’s helping me. I also have some other support and still, of course, I am seeing my therapist from the hospital on a weekly basis.

Since we haven’t had any Internet the past month, I haven’t really read any blogs…so I’m catching up on a few now. Not all of them since it will most likely be around, if not more, hundreds of posts to read and that overwhelms me. But, I’ve chosen a few to read, the ones who write about everyday life. That’s what I need right now. To get inspired and to challenge myself to do life stuff. The sickness is stopping me from living my life and I miss it. But even though I miss it, it’s hard to just do it, to do the things I actually love to do. Isn’t it sad? It makes me really sad to think about it (which in itself is a good sign!).

I’ve been enriched with new friendships lately, friends who are going through a similar sickness I’m going through. And the most amazing part of having these new friendships are that we understand and know each other on a level that no one else knows. We’ve been going through a similar hell at the hospital, but we’re now out of that, fighting for everyday life based from home. What’s so important with these friendships is that we’re always supporting each other, we’re always there for each other, pepping, sharing happy moments, and sharing sad moments. Not bringing each other down, but fighting together towards a healthy life, where the sickness is taking up less and less space in our lives.

Back to the blogs I’ve been catching up on. For the first time, in a really long time, I can feel a true longing to actually challenge myself, or the sickness, and to do the things that the sickness is screaming at me to not do. But Lina, somewhere deep inside, wants to. I’m not talking about major adventures, what you might think is huge in your life. I’m talking about the smaller everyday things that you might do without even thinking about it, but what takes for me, perhaps weeks to plan, talked through with my therapist and/or Liz, planned in detail, back up plans…the list can go on.

I’ve started doing some life-things now. For example, to go and sit in a cafe, to go to the movies, to walk downtown by myself, eat at a restaurant, drink alcohol, eat “forbidden” stuff… Now, I’m not doing all these things everyday, I still need to plan everything in detail, but I’ve started reaching out to life again. Which I haven’t done, at this “level”, for a very long time. What’s so sad, or perhaps it’s good too, is that people who don’t suffer from an eating disorder, who don’t think and analyze or plan everyday things, might not think about how hard and tough it is for me, since I’m there doing the things. But behind the scenes, things are planned, talked through, and have had my thoughts for days, or sometimes, weeks. However, I do believe, that to keep doing these tough things, will eventually lead to it being more easily done, and later on not thought through or planned as much. And the eating disorder will have smaller place in me while doing these things. It’s sort of learning by doing. I have to relearn how to live my life in a sense. A life where the eating disorder doesn’t take up 110% of Lina. And doesn’t take over and away life.

So just because I’m not in the hospital anymore, it doesn’t mean that I’m done with treatment. It’s actually more the opposite. It’s now that my tough treatment is starting because it is in my everyday life, without the safety of the hospital walls. But, I have to live my life. Challenge myself. Put myself into situations where I’m not comfortable at all. Because one day, one day, it will be an amazing experience, and there will not be a dark cloud of anxiety hanging over me.

So with this post, I just wanted to share a little of what it is like being outside the hospital, still on the sicklist for months, and how it is to fight every single day, several times a day… just give you a picture what I’m working on now..

I’m fighting to get life back. An everyday life without anxiety and without an eating disorder taking over completely. One day, I will be free.